Monday, December 31, 2007

#28 the Cuckoo Clock of Doom


#28 the Cuckoo Clock of Doom

Front Tagline: Keep your eye on the birdie!
Bag Tagline: Don't Beat The Clock!

Official Book Description:
Tara the Terrible. That's what Michael Webster calls his bratty little sister. She loves getting Michael in trouble. Making his life miserable. Things couldn't get any worse.
Then Mr. Webster brings home the antique cuckoo clock. It's old. It's expensive. And Mr. Webster won't let anyone touch it.
Poor Michael. He should have listened to his dad.
Because someone put a spell on the clock. A strange spell. A dangerous spell. And now Michael's life will never be the same again....

Brief Synopsis:
Michael Webster has suffered at the hands of his little sister Tara for the last seven years of his life. Even as a baby she was a brat, and her behavior as the book opens has gotten no better. She visits him at his basketball game and plants a brutish teammate's baseball cap in his backpack, resulting in Michael receiving a beat-down. Tara leads Mona, the girl he likes, into his room while he's still in his underwear. It's subtle but the point is that Tara is so rotten that she deserves to be erased. Whoops, did I just spoil the ending?

Michael's dad has decided to spruce up the household decor, not with new wallpaper but with an antique cuckoo clock! 'Cause he gets up in the morning and goes to work at nine and he comes back home at five-thirty, Michael's dad has passed the clock in the window of Anthony's Antiques and Stuff for the past fifteen years and finally talked Anthony into lowering the price. Anthony claims the clock has a slight defect, though he wouldn't reveal the defect. Anthony also tries to sell him an urn he bought in Stillwater, perfect for throwing up blue slurpees into.

Michael's dad ominously warns against anyone touching the clock, so the two kids waste no time in touching the clock. Shenanigans ensue, none anywhere near as exciting as those found in Juno, In Theaters Now.

Several days after the arrival of the clock, Michael suffers his worst humiliation yet at the hands of seven-year old Tara. It seems that even his birthday party is not safe from the tiny terror. Michael is led out to the garage to see his secret birthday gift. No, not a cactus-gram, but a new 21-speed bike! Unfortunately, Tara decides to try to ride the bike and hops on, crashing it into the cement garage floor. Michael glumly looks at the large white crack in the new black frame of the bike. Back inside the house, things get worse as Tara tells Mona that Michael likes her. He tries to tell her to shut her gob, but Mona thinks she's cute. Tara then opens all of Michael's birthday presents for him. Mona got Michael a CD-- It's never revealed what album but I suspect it lacks the raw power of Iggy and the Stooges. To cap off the lovely party, Tara trips Michael as he carries his chocolate cake into the living room. She won't stop until somebody calls the cops and even then she'll start again and just pretend that nothing ever happened. Michael is so upset that he makes a secret birthday wish to get a chance to redo his birthday. As this wish is about to come true, the reader will discover that Michael would have been better off wishing he could attend a screening of Juno, In Theaters Now.

Late that night, Michael decides to get back at Tara by framing her in a clock-blocking. He sneaks downstairs and pulls the little tweety-bird out of the clock. He positions the bird backwards, knowing that his father will blame Tara.

When Michael wakes up, he discovers that it's his birthday again. RL Stine lacks the subtle direction of Jason Reitman, so the repeat of events in the book is not as thrilling as repeat viewings of Juno, In Theaters Now. In fact, all that happens is exactly what happened the first time, meaning that Michael doesn't even alter his action beyond occasionally whining that he's reliving the same day. He still trips, gets embarrassed, etc.

The book keeps working backwards. Every time Michael goes to sleep, he wakes up earlier in his life. Except he wakes up at arbitrary times so that he can not only relive the events from the beginning of the book (and still not change them, rendering the book's padding padded), but also skip back four years at one point, all for cheap shots like, "Boy I look silly as a 3rd grader," "Boy I look silly as a 2nd grader," etc. The cuckoo clock is still in the antique shop so Michael never gets a chance to turn the bird back around, thus solving the whole time travel problem. RL Stine was never a stripper, so naturally the Cuckoo Clock of Doom can't be anywhere near as good as the Golden Globe-nominated Juno, In Theaters Now, but this book is exceedingly dull and uneventful.

Eventually Michael wakes up and he's a year-old baby, wearing diapers in a crib. It seems as though Michael is Phuket Thailand-ed for life, as the next time he goes to sleep he'll presumably cease to exist-- a worse fate than being hanged by a licorice Super Rope! Being a baby sucks for Michael, because he can barely walk and his parents won't let him pop Orange Tic-Tacs due to the choking hazard. Luckily, Michael's parents decide to visit the antique store that day. As they argue over a table, Michael sneaks off to turn the bird's head around. So there's a baby climbing up some chairs to play with the antique clock. Reader Beware, You're In For A Scare! Geez, even Juno has a Kimya Dawson song about vampires in it, this book has babies playing with clocks.

Michael-baby reverts the bird and then messes with a dial on the side of the clock, setting the year to 1995. A white flash and suddenly Michael is back at his birthday party-- again. Except this time his bike doesn't get ruined, because it turns out Tara was one doodle that could be undid, homeskillet. When Michael goes to look at the clock, he sees the dial he played with doesn't have a 1988 spot-- meaning his sister was never born. He goes off to slow dance to Mott the Hoople with Mona, safe from his non-existent sister's antics at last.

But the Twist Is:
This inferior book doesn't even have the decency to end with an unbroken shot of Mona and Michael singing a Moldy Peaches song, much less provide any sort of twist ending. This Cautionary Tale has nothing on The Cautionary Whale, Juno, In Theaters Now.

the Platonic Boy-Girl Relationship:
Michael Webster and his little sister, who disappears forever halfway through the book.

Questionable Parenting:
Michael's parents are no Bren and Mac MacGuff, that's for damn sure.

R.L. Stine Shows He is Down With the Kids:
I don't remember reading anything in this book about hamburger phones or blueberry condoms or collecting bones in pants. You lose again to a movie that came out twelve years after your book, RL Stine!

Memorable Cliffhanger Chapter Ending:
Ch. 1/2:
Hard to garner any sympathy for a main character who becomes frightened by the bird inside a cuckoo clock. This book was doomed from the beginning and it didn't even have a Rainn Wilson cameo.

Great Prose Alert:
It had the meanest bird face I ever saw.

Conclusions:
A short story's worth of plot stretched out to 118 pages. Honest to blog, I can't figure out why everyone kept requesting this entry. Well, now that you've sated this particular thrist, time to go quench your funny-bone and your heart by leaving the house and seeing Juno, a Fox Searchlight film, Now Playing at a theater near you.


See you next time for There Will Be Monster Blood.

68 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ugh, too much focus on an unrelated movie that knocks off Knocked Up, and I'm not interested in that either.

troy steele said...

Well Knocked Up didn't pay my January rent.

Neil Cicierega said...

That was worth it for the There Will Be Monster Blood joke. Are they really paying you?

Anonymous said...

What? You mean Juno, now playing in theaters?

Ashley said...

Is it just me, or does anyone else feel that they should rush out and see Juno after that?

Anonymous said...

The reason people have been asking you to review this book is because it's considered one of the strongest in the series. It creates a sense of dread and effective suspense without using any of the cliched monsters and literary devices of children's literature.

"Like a drawn out short-story"? Ever read any of the Pullitzer Prize winning novels that feature a day-by-day description of a person's life which could have been condensed into a short story?

Dude, what are you doing writing a literature blog when you clearly have no basis in english literature or narrative structure? Me and my friends (all in our mid-20's now) are laughing our asses off at you.

P.S. Go read The Shrunken Head Story which you cosidered better than this, while everyone I ever talked to about Goosebumps, including fellow english majors, deems it one of the worst. Just felt like sharing.

Anonymous said...

I thought I'd stumbled onto a Juno fansite by mistake . . . ah well, Ellen Page is cute, so it's all OK.

Funny review as well!

Anonymous said...

Whoever the dude is whining about how good this book is, please be quiet. This book is made for kids. When I was younger I thought this book was terrible so obviously Stine didn't do as good of job as you think.

eponine said...

Hmmm, I get the feeling I should go out and see Juno. [which I actually did want to see previous to reading this blog]

Great entry, as always, I remember the back-cover description, but I didn't remember the actual plot points, so this is probably one I owned but never read.

And to the guy who signed their comment as Neil Cicierega, if you are the real Neil Cicierega (of harry potter puppet pals): Potter puppet pals is absolutely amazing. I am partial to Wizard Angst, but they all sorta rawk.

That doesn't sound creepy/stalkerish or anything

Ah well, can't wait for Monster Blood!

Brodie said...

"Dude, what are you doing writing a literature blog when you clearly have no basis in english literature or narrative structure? Me and my friends (all in our mid-20's now) are laughing our asses off at you.

P.S. Go read The Shrunken Head Story which you cosidered better than this, while everyone I ever talked to about Goosebumps, including fellow english majors, deems it one of the worst. Just felt like sharing."

Funnily enough, I am laughing at you right now.

Sad Mammal said...

If you're making light of you Juno shilling, then hats off, but if this was an attempt at a real review then you really shouldn't have bothered.

Brodie said...

Guys, this is as good as the Cuckoo Clock of Doom deserved, really. It's not that great once your age reaches double digits.

Anonymous said...

If only I could turn the cuckoo bird around to undo my reading this review.

Juno I'm just kidding.

So did they approach you with an offer or what? I'm glad you can make bank off your hard work.

Chris said...

this comment brought to you by juno

Anonymous said...

Whatever happened to your witty remarks, wry humour, and stark metaphors and simile? Your reviews seem to be getting worse every week.

Anonymous said...

"Dude, what are you doing writing a literature blog when you clearly have no basis in english literature or narrative structure? Me and my friends (all in our mid-20's now) are laughing our asses off at you."

Uhh.... I know you MEANT to say, "My friends and I". Right, Mr. English Major?

Anonymous said...

sell out
lol kidding
but this review was not as funny as i had expected

Patrick said...

Yeah troy, what were you thinking? You might have been able to get away with having no literary experience on some crappy blog about, like, George Orwell or someone, but this is RL Stine we're talking about. Sort it out.

Spongey444 said...

Do Why Im afraid Of Bees

Reader BEEware

Myles said...

Hey. it's Monday and I want my Monster Blood!

Sponyey444 said...

@Myles:
Be patent Young Grasshopper

How Am I Kidding?
WE WANT MONSTER BLOOD

Jonathan said...

.... Normally I don't post on these...

I just wanted to point out that me (and all my 18 year old friends, har har har) think it's rather hysterical that an english major is even READING GOOSEBUMPS REVIEWS... the fact that you are critiquing a humorous blog is simply hysterical.

Awesome blog.

Juno really does rule.

Anonymous said...

I thought this was actually one of the better books. Weird.

cutelittledevil4u said...

Juno isn't a knock off of knocked up. HAVE YOU EVEN SEEN JUNO???????? i do agree that there is a bit too much about Juno in this blog but it's justifiable because Juno is awesome full stop

All babies want to be borned!

Anonymous said...

Least funny entry I've read on this blog. It's just a boring description with "LOL JUNO" thrown in.
Write it again.

troy steele said...

No, this is probably the best entry on the blog. If you don't get why, I can't really help you.

Anonymous said...

Hey, I'm an English major. I think any book(s) that made millions of kids obsessed with reading deserves to be critiqued. Remember, we used to be kids too.

Personally, I found this book one of the more better Goosebumps. And Juno is awesome.

Anonymous said...

Michael, you can't do that! The future will be changed! You'll create a time paradox!

Anonymous said...

Did anybody else find the cuckoo really creepy?

Creepier than most art used for this series anyway

Mitchell said...

I'm sorry, but I found this entry to be annoying and bordering on unreadable because of all the Juno references. I love your blog but I am very disappointed in this entry. you didn't do the book justice. If you wanted to shill for Juno, you should have just created a separate blog entry, or at least keep the Juno comments out of the body of the review.

Izzy said...

I'm so glad I read the comments on this entry. Otherwise, I would have forgotten that crappy children's books are SERIOUS BUSINESS.

Lucy the Valiant one said...

I remember reading that book and watching the episode on cartoon network.I don't know why Michael didn't just tell that little brat to shut the fuck up and slap her,come on,she's only seven.I had a lot of Goosebumps growing up,I still have a few floating around .I love your reviews,they bring back memories

Tayyab said...

Probably one of the worst reviews in this blog. Especially because of the Juno references. Troy, never compare a children's book with a movie intended for young adults. I don't know why you think of comparing a book with an unrelated movie.

Anonymous said...

Man, all these people complaining about how lame this review was because of the Juno reffing.


Quit caring. It's his blog. Let him have fun with it every now and then.

Anonymous said...

You know what can you do the review again minus the Juno jokes please?

Anonymous said...

I notice that people criticizing "the English major" are unable to even formulate decent counter-opinions and behave as childishly as they claim the target audience (which they are belittling) is. Their best retort is a common grammatical error used in colloquial conversation. I only point this out because I see once again that childish folks cannot let another person's opinion be without comments that are intellectually equivilent to "you have cooties".

However, I, personally am willing to laugh at just about anything that stands counter to my own opinions (being constantly annoyed in his reviews over accusations of Jim Crow writing on Stine's part), but usually get a few laughs out of them. Goosebumps books ARE silly and easy to poke fun at, even if some of us did enjoy them as kids. If a critical review is well-written (even of something I actually enjoy), I often find myself taking it in good humor (such as a scathing, but funny, review of an old videogame that I loved as a child).

However, I must respectfully state that although I usually get some enjoyment out of your reviews, this one is sorely lacking in anything remotely enjoyable. Not because of the criticisms of the story (which actually were the brighter points of the review), but because of the plugs for Juno. Once, maybe twice would have been enough. But after seeing this review of Juno...er...the Cuckoo Clock Of Doom, I was more tempted to gouge my eyes out with a fork than watch Juno. If it was actually good, then you can thank yourself for ruining it for me.

Yeah, I know I posted this two years after the fact. So sue me. Or post a fake C&D form letter with impliied lawsuit. I don't care.

Juno said...

This might be my fav blogger beware entry. For Realz

Anonymous said...

I actually thought the funniest part of the blog was the Juno part. I can understand that some might be upset because you're 'sellingout,' but really if you get money for this blog, you'll do this longer. So really, great blog.

BethRealz said...

God this blog is the business. 'Well respected man' lyrics FTW

TaStAeS gOOdddddddddddd said...

Ohh!no noah webster jokes?I reckon the juno comments are the best part, but this is definatly not the best entry on this blog.Monster blood I and THE BLOB THAT ATE EVERYTHING ARE wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyYyYyYyYyYyYyYyYyYyYyY BETA THAN THis fbgkjhwbglkamwbfkjwehrfoiwuehf3BYU A3F94 CHBNVIGUFYGBUJHGSDBVKCUJHBSFY BCJBHAFBVFCNB VKJHBVIYUAWDAWRT78GRFIUYQERHVKFFVEQFVE7EJNMEU7XJMUHYTIUHGBKFGBHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGSRTRTHGTUTYFGYFKJHVGHGFJCVHJHGCFDJYFUYVGHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY87YG087YG0IYUHOIJUHF64RF94NHT5. ,

Anonymous said...

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Aeris Liliflora said...

'Personally, I found this book one of the more better Goosebumps. '

And you're an English Major, how?

I remember that cover art, it always freaked me out as a child

Anonymous said...

Aw man. I was really excited to get to the review of this particular book, but I have to say, I was really disappointed. Not only did it seem like you weren't as "into it" with all the other reviews, but the repetitive GO SEE JUNO IN THEATRES shameless plugging was completely jarring and annoying to read. After about the second or third time I couldn't even enjoy the review anymore. A shame. I hope you redo this one someday...

Anonymous said...

OK, god damn. I've read through all the comments and PEOPLE PLEASE PAY ATTENTION NOW:

Their are NO JOKES ABOUT JUNO in this post.
The JOKES ARE ABOUT SELLING OUT.
THEY ARE PRODUCT PLACEMENT JOKES.
TROY INTENTIONALLY MADE THEM JARRING.
THAT'S THE POINT.

Misterbluesky said...

You can't blame the idiots for not knowing that; they're just too caught up in satisfying their egos with circular, self-reasserting views to realize why Troy really wrote all those plugs in. The backfiredness of the joke, however, is not lost, as Troy appears to be the type of person who likes JUNO IN THEATERS NOW; hence no one realized Troy was actually being sarcastic. Why you guys would even whine so badly about it is quite puzzling. This was also one of my favorite goosebumps books back in the day; it was my most read goosebumps book aside from the book immediately following this one. But you don't see me beggin like a foolchild to have an entry rewritten. I actually appreciate that this entry was written the way it is, as not only it contains much of the usual hilarity as expected of Troy, but it's also written differently.It's fresh.

Anonymous said...

Hiya,

Loved this! "Phuket Thailand-ed for life". BRILLIANT. I loved Goosebumps & fancied a trip down memory lane but didn't want to waste my money buying any.

Anonymous said...

Wow, I guess I have totally different tastes than this blogger, since he seems to hate all of my favorites except for The Haunted Mansion...I too was disappointed with this review since it didn't really actually review the book.

I thought this was one of the scarier ones since it involves fighting time travel, and more importantly it ends with my birth year never happening and me never being born...creepy to think about!

Rygar said...

The Juno references were sarcastic. Stop taking things so seriously, guys.

Anonymous said...

benny here. i thought this one was creative. and the part where he broke his arm that was kinda of funny but corny. 7/10 great.

MJN SEIFER said...

The thing that always sticks in my mind about Juno,, In Theaters Now. is that the trailer I saw (the one used on TV) made absolutely ZERO references to the fact that the title character was pregnant, when apparently that's the main story. Also, I know this is an old entry, but I can't believe hardly anyone realized Troy was joking!

Also, I never really got the ending properly - wouldn't erasing 1988 or whatever year it was kill everyone from that year? Not just his sister?

Anonymous said...

Talk about the damn book, not some fucking movie that i will never give so much as half a shit about.

JFinley91 said...

I personally enjoy you experimenting with what you can do in your reviews. While people seem to fiercely debate whether this one was a failure or a success, I appreciate you putting the effort into trying something different.

Anonymous said...

WTF????? Juno this, Juno that! SHUT UP!! This summary stinks! >:(

Javier said...

God, people are stupid...

I thought it was hilarious, and laughed Everytime he made a Juno reference/plug. It was obviously made in a self-referential fashion, he wouldn't have had marked it bold or repeated the phrase in contexts that obviously didnt fit. If he were being serious and trying to subliminally market the movie, he would have chosen a subtler, less "jokey" manner.

I thought this was great.

Anonymous said...

Juno... Pirated, thanks.

Harry Manback said...

Hahahahaha, okay, the review itself is pretty on par with the rest (i.e. fucking amazing and something of such beauty and wonder that my eyes can barely behold it), but the comments really take this one over the top as my favorite review I think. Also, Troy, your one solitary comment here in the comment section is just golden. Never change.

Spongey444 said...

"This inferior book doesn't even have the decency to end with an unbroken shot of Mona and Michael singing a Moldy Peaches song, much less provide any sort of twist ending. "
...

Tara vanishing IS THE TWIST

Cody Cromarty said...

And thus, nobody ever approached Troy Steele for an advertising deal ever again.

Jason Overall said...

Is it just me or did this book have some really strong F/m domination subtext to it? He gets caught in his underwear by his female friends (who take a picture), his little sister humiliates him and gets him punished nonstop, and he has to get his diaper changed by his mom. I didn't realize it until I was thumbing through it the other day, but *damn*.

Anonymous said...

Cody Cromarty said...
And thus, nobody ever approached Troy Steele for an advertising deal ever again.

Lmao, funnier than the whole post. Still. Even though the joke was intentional, doesn't mean it was funny. I ended up skimming through the last half of it and ignoring all of the bolded bits.

Anonymous said...

I usually enjoy your reviews but this one was dull. The Juno shilling was boring and overdone and really, it was just a recap of the book with none of the funny comments and observations in the other reviews.

Seems like you were half-assing this one.

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Anonymous said...

this book isn't one of his best books, and why would you go back in time to save your annoying sister, the one that ruined your life. he neveer liked her anyway. if i were him i'd leave her stranded back in time all on her own.

Anonymous said...

Okay. Good review EXCEPT for the fact that the references to a completely unrelated film that I don't really care about were in the the hundreds. WRITE A REVIEW, NOT AN AD! Post your advertisement at the start or end!

Anonymous said...

I didn't feel this review was a interesting as many of other reviews. This book was pretty creepy to me as a kid.

Anonymous said...

This is what I believe to be the best goosebumps book mainly because his family never had Tera they were happier but what makes it such a good book is that he's literally preformed a quantum abortion on his sister and would she have continued to spiral downwards and been a brat or grown up and be a good person either way he shouldn't be the protagonist even the kids that fought Monsters only killed them in one book.

Anonymous said...

It's seven years later. Go back and watch it again. I remember loving it. I remember it being so clever. I saw it again about a month ago. It's nothing but annoying, cloying, pseudo-snark trying so hard to capitalize on the indie-hipster kids (twenty-something year old kids) we all were back then.

Bobcat is right, Diablo Cody is just terrible.

The Wiz said...

2 things:

1. The angry comments on this entry are funnier than the actual review.

2. I suspect that this book, along with Calling All Creeps, remains a fan favorite because it's one of the few times the protagonist gets a happy ending. Usually, the supernatural elements serve only to harass/frighten/murder the kids, so it's nice when they (the cuckoo clock, the creepers' cookies lol) actually prove helpful for once.