Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Series 2000 #19 Return to Ghost Camp


Series 2000 19 Return to Ghost Camp

Front Tagline:
Another summer. Another spirit.

Brief Synopsis:

Poor Dustin. His parents are forcing him to go to a sleep-away camp, despite the fact that he'd rather not attend. Their reasoning that camp isn't the same as being sent to prison fails to make much of an impact on Dustin, though his little brother Logan does start chanting that Dustin is in fact going to prison after hearing this. Dustin's parents refuse to discuss the issue and his mom writes his name on all his clothes using a Magic Marker, "the kind of marker that doesn't wash off." So... not a Magic Marker then? Before leaving his room for the summer, Dustin stares longingly at a Hulk Hogan poster. Hmm, maybe he would like going to prison.

The bus for Camp Full Moon picks Dustin up in front of his house, which is about as plausible as what comes next: The bleeding bus driver is revealed to be covered with thousands of fleas... though they are described as having "spindly legs," so I don't know what bug Stine is confusing fleas with here. It doesn't matter since this horror show turns out to be a dream. But in reality the bus still picks him up at his curb, which is surely reason enough to resurrect the ol' What.

On the bus to camp, Dustin immediately befriends the most muscular boy. I guess he's still not sure he isn't going to prison. The boy, Ari, proposes he and Dustin switch identities as "a practical joke," even though it's neither practical nor a joke. Dustin happily agrees because well obviously he wants to be inside Ari. When they arrive at the camp, Uncle Lou, the head of the camp, assigns Ari as Dustin to the crummiest cabin, Comanche, and gives Dustin as Ari the best cabin, Apache. All of Dustin's new bunkmates enthusiastically greet him once they hear he's Ari. Once inside, Dustin is very excited to see a poster of Mark McGwire hanging on the wall of the cabin. Boy, it's not even subtext at this point, is it?

While he enjoys the luxuries of his cabin, Dustin feels bad that Ari was made a Comanche. Of course, he's not half as upset about it as his Uncle Ethan will be. Dustin's bunkmates give him the best bed in the cabin and reveal a trunk of candy just for Ari. In an amazing campfire scene, Dustin tries to convince himself that he's manly and confidant like Ari by not freaking out when a bee lands on his hot dog. Two characters switching places, with one using the opportunity to act more macho, and also there's bees? This is already more a sequel to that book than Ghost Camp.

Oh and then some kid eats some bees. Wait, I mean

BEE EATING BEE EATING BEE EATING
BEE EATING BEE EATING BEE EATING
BEE EATING BEE EATING BEE EATING

Uncle Lou regales the campers with a campfire story about a creature called the Snatcher. Surprisingly, Dustin listens very intently to the story. Funny, I thought it was already well-established that he wasn't interested in snatch--er, anyways, Lou tells the campers that the Snatcher can take the form of anything but prefers a fox. Dustin hears whispers about how the Snatcher is real and takes a kid every year. Naturally, a fox then attacks Dustin. In this case, the fox aggressor brings the blood as the animal scratches up his clothing.

Dustin is rescued by his bunkmates who finally reveal why everyone is treating "Ari" so well: He's the Snatcher's chosen victim this year. The book then takes the predictable trajectory: No one believes he's really Dustin, Ari refuses to switch back, and of course, what Goosebumps book set at camp would be complete without another pay phone scene? Also, someone throws up marshmallows, so there's probably a "Stay Pukt" joke to be made. And just in case you think I'm being ridiculous with this subtext thing, Dustin says this:
"I never really tried to stuff my mouth with anything."
And then the book says this:
They pitched hard. Crashed into each other. Bobbed and reeled. Smacked against the wooden dock.
So it's not like I'm seeing something that isn't there. Maybe Prop 8 passed because thousands (I'm being generous here) of kids read this book and confused their hatred for the novel with a hatred of homosexuality. I imagine it's only a matter of time before the Return to Ghost Camp Defense becomes the new Twinkie Defense.

Gradually Dustin realizes everyone at camp is a ghost, which I guess is supposed to be all a sequel to a book called "Ghost Camp" needs. While trying to run away, he meets Laura, a girl from the Girl's Camp, who is also trying to run away. For reasons I don't remember, they put off their escape for a day, which gives Dustin enough time for his younger brother Logan to show up for a visit. Logan greets the real Ari as his brother, but only under the threat of violence. I guess Ari doesn't want to be a victim of a ghost anymore than he wants to lose his fifteen percent.

The night of the big escape, Dustin's bunkmate tries to tell him that they didn't select him to be the victim of the camp but rather the savior. Apparently God based the afterlife on Wild and Crazy Kids, as the ghost kids will only be able to rest if Dustin manages to cross a dangerous river. But Laura insists his bunkmate is only trying to trick him, but regardless he should still cross the river. So, the dramatic moment of the novel comes down to: Will he cross the river, or will he cross the river?

But the Twist is:
He crosses the river! But first, Laura turns out to be the Snatcher. She turns into a fox and attacks, but falls victim to some "scary" zombie hands that emerge from the river and tear her apart. Dustin crosses the river and saves the camp, but then he can't figure out how to cross the river again. An ending that matches the quality of what came before it.

the Platonic Boy-Magic Fox Girl Relationship:
Dustin and Laura, who turns out to be a fox or something most of the way through the novel.

Questionable Parenting:
After he tells her he had a bad dream, Dustin's mom makes fun of him. Spunky mother, gay son, the word "camp" in the title-- maybe this book was salvaged from a scrapped Showtime pilot.

Why Is There A Horse Skeleton On the Cover Alert:
Why is there a horse skeleton on the cover?

Memorable Cliffhanger Chapter Ending:
Ch. 13/14:
Ari starts to tell a knock-knock joke. OH MY GOD I HAVE TO KEEP READING OR ELSE I'LL NEVER KNOW WHICH ORANGE IS AT THE DOOR

Great Prose Alert:

Nobody swallows bees.

Conclusions:


142 comments:

Patrick said...

So Troy, I've always wondered...what percentage of the blog's references and in-jokes are, in fact, Googled rather than actually known and dispensed personally?

I mean, how often do you just hit up Google, type in a character's name along with a few related keywords just to see what obscure reference you can sling at the readers?

I don't mean to accuse, and I'm not trying to offend you at all. I'm simply saying...your references are spread across such a broad spectrum of subject matter and media forms...I'm not saying it's impossible to have seen every show, every movie, read every single book, commercial that you're referencing. I'm just saying that it's highly unlikely.

Oh, and wow, what a terrible book.

I really, really can't wait til you hit the Horrorland books. Gag me with a ten foot pole. Or whatever.

troy steele said...

All references are 100% from my mind. But I consider it a compliment that it's hard to believe.

Fear Street said...

HORRRRRRIBLE.

Rhomega said...

So...why is it called Return to Ghost Camp again?

Anonymous said...

I remember how back then, you said you "can't wait for the sequel." Oh, how far we've come. This book totally sucks, and it sucks even more because it could have been an actual sequel worth reading, but of course, it wasn't. You guys will say that this argument could be extended to pretty much every goosebumps book out there, but I make the argument for this book specifically because its predecessor was a book that was actually DECENT, almost like a hope that was quickly tarnished by this idiotic story.

Anonymous said...

That tagline looks as though it was lifted directly from Stine's outline.

Anonymous said...

I'll bet Dustin wouldn't mind gagging on a ten foot pole, amirite?

The Guindo said...

Obviously there is a horse skeleton on the cover because the artist heard horse when they said fox. It's an easy mistake.

Tom Foss said...

Wait, it's a Goosebumps sequel book about a scary camp, and you're wondering why there's a dead horse on the cover?

The message is pretty clear to me.

Great escaper said...

I take it youve seen the louis theroux ep where he meets that physco family who are preaching hate and picketting the funerals of soldiers killed in Afghanistan telling their familes that God made them die as they deserved it or some BS like that.


Sorry rant over, my point is the sign at the bottem is exactly like that family's sign.

Anonymous said...

I was missing What. I even wanted to beg you to use it. And about the skeleton horse on the cover,maybe the artist wasn't too good at Biology and thought that was how a fox skeleton looked. Implausible, though.

Anon e Mouse Jr. said...

Well that one sucked. (The book, not the review.)

Something tells me they changed the title at the last minute. 'Cause seriously, if they HADN'T marketed it as a sequel, who in their right mind would actually want to read this book?

The next one should be interesting though. I read part of it back when it was new on the shelf, and it had what was, at the time, a semi-original plot. I think. (And then a bunch of animes ripped off the idea.)

Really, I think this was the low point of the series. If they don't get better after this, well... you can probably guess what goes here.

Until next time...

Anon e Mouse Jr.

Anonymous said...

Oh gods yes, it's "Be Afraid - Be Very Afraid" next. Can't wait.

Re: The horse skeleton: What, that's meant to be a horse skeleton? I always assumed it was just a deformed human ghosty corpse.

I'm pretty sure I never read this one, but I don't see how anyone could mistake it for an actual sequel. Kids aren't that stupid, right? The only ones returning to a ghost camp here are the readers.

Sad Mammal said...

Oh Troy Phelps, you card.

Reepicheep-chan said...

My God this recap was funny. Seriously, I think it is one of your best in a while.

Was Ari a ghost too?

dru-plus-spike said...

Be still, my heart, a Wild & Crazy Kids reference. What next, Hey Dude?

Cortes said...

I don't care what anybody says. That cover art is pretty cool lookin'.

Yama said...

Maybe Stine is confusing fleas with sun spiders.
Disclaimer: Not a real spider.

Ryan Ferneau said...

What's the "fifteen percent" all about?

gargatar said...

What's "Uncle Ethan" supposed to be a reference to?

Ryan Ferneau said...

You mean Uncle Ethan's not a character in the book?

Anonymous said...

"fox aggressor brings the blood"

fantastic.

Anonymous said...

Uncle Ethan is The Searchers

tj said...

Hey troy there's a Christopher pike blog out there and i was reading one of the entry's when i noticed this
"Next, Mary is writhing on Jerry's grave again, wearing the second robe. What."
Yes you read it right

Ryan Ferneau said...

Ah yes, The Searchers. I remember I watched the preview for that before The Great Movie Ride so many times that I could predict and mimic the "ETHAN NO YOU DON'T!" every time it came up.

Anonymous said...

I believe you meant to say "Prop 8 passed".

Anonymous said...

Well, I sure can't lecture you on mixing up 2000 books. I can still barely remember which is which of some of them.

Anonymous said...

Everyone's Christmas reading assignment.

Zak said...

LOL @ Tom Fess's comment.


And... can't wait for Be Afraid!

Dagorahn and Trunix said...

I just realized...a lot of these 2000 titles are so pathetic in that they almost seem like they're on their knees for you to be scared.

Example:

"Are You Terrified Yet?"
"Be Afraid -- Be Very Afraid!"

If that ain't begging, I don't know what is. So pathetic.

Anonymous said...

A lot of the 2000 titles really aren't trying, it's true. They're just uninspiring.

Nihil Novum said...

Only Revenge R Us and Jekyll and Heidi can stand with the original series titles.

The Horrorland ones are a little better though.

Gambit said...

I've been reading through the blog for a week or so now, has given me much funnies. And now I can't wait for the Earth Geeks Must Go! review, because it's one of the few I remember vividly (having been one of the last I read), and it's so, SO stupid. Can't -wait-.

John said...

Kind of off topic, but why is there a green circle on the cover of the book?

troy steele said...

That's the only picture of the cover I could find since I was too lazy to scan my copy

Anonymous said...

wheres the update

Zak said...

So where's my BE AFRAID? Happy new year BTW.

Anonymous said...

Hey Troy, dunno if you know, but you're quoted in Wikipedia's Goosebumps article:

One of the best-known twists is My Hairiest Adventure, in which the main characters, as described by reviewer Troy Steele, "turn out to be dogs or something" (as the result of a failed science experiment).

Zak said...

oh wow what happened to Troy... hasn't updated nor approving comments! I know no one will be able to read this until he gets back but what the hey.

This has had 35 comments for a week and I know I've posted since.

Groggy Dundee said...

Any prospects of an entry tonight?c

Anonymous said...

Hey, Troy, how's everything on your end?

Anonymous said...

I envision in my mind a million unposted comments asking when the next update will be.

tj said...

Wheres the fucking update

Anonymous said...

*cough* So I guess Troy got bored with this place?

Anonymous said...

Hey Troy? Are we getting an update tonight?

Anon e Mouse Jr. said...

Seriously dude, where are you? It's been about ten days, and some of us (or at least me) are starting to get concerned.

Until next time...

Anon e Mouse Jr.

Rhomega said...

So...when's the next review coming up?

Christopher said...

I got the Neko Case joke. Don't think it went unnoticed.

Groggy Dundee said...

I'm assuming the next entry will be on 1/20?

Nice to see you're still alive.

tj said...

Hey troy I got good news!
http://my.spill.com/profiles/blog/show?id=947994:BlogPost:925216

troy steele said...

More like Best News Ever!

Anon e Mouse Jr. said...

Question for you, Troy... have you been buying the new Goosebumps HorrorLand books as they arrive in stores (like me), or are you waiting until the entire series comes out to read them?

Until next time...

Anon e Mouse Jr.

troy steele said...

I haven't bought any yet but I'll have to soon-- I'm about to run out of 2000 books in a couple weeks. Well, assuming I don't pull another month vacation on you all of course

Anon e Mouse Jr. said...

Well, there's always the other titles you have listed off to the side to tide us over until HorrorLand wraps up (and I swear that was not a mummy joke).

The last HorrorLand book is currently slated for a July release, but if they keep coming out early, it'll probably be on the shelves in June. (Then again, if the rumors of books 11 and 12 getting their own Classic Reissues are true, who knows what that'll do to the release schedule?)

In the meantime, I'm still looking forward to the rest of the G2K reviews... "Be Afraid - Be Very Afraid!", "The Haunted Car", and "Ghost in the Mirror", especially. (Long story behind that last one. Really long.)

Until next time...

Anon e Mouse Jr.

Groggy Dundee said...

Of what's left, I've read:
Full Moon Fever
Slappy's Nightmare
Earth Geeks Must Go
The Ghost in the Mirror

I promse you, you've got nothing good to look forward to. The Slappy book is the only marginally good one as it puts a neat spin on the done-to-death Slappy story. Otherwise, though... you've got your work cut out for you.

Anonymous said...

I've been looking forward to "Be Afraid - Be Very Afraid!" for months.

Groggy Dundee said...

Really looking forward to tonight's entry.

Anonymous said...

So no pressure, Troy.

tj said...

wheres the dam update

troy steele said...

It's half written, so it must be coming soon

DarkfireTaimatsu said...

Ahh, "soon". It's a wonderfully ambiguous term, because it's totally relative. =3

Personally, I'm excited coz this'll be my first actual update since finding this place.

Q & T said...

At least the wait isn't as long as it took for the new season of Lost to arrive.

...

Or will it?

John said...

Jeez, it's been more than a month. This better be good.

Chris said...

Actually, from the look of things, I'd say this is the best proof that he really is back to the "Regular update schedule." This sort of delay is regular, after all, isn't it?

If we just learn to read Tuesday as Wednesday, or even "some random day more or less weekly," then we won't be disappointed anymore.

Ryan said...

You all don't get it, the true brilliance of this blog.

Troy is really RL Stine, he got us interested in this blog, and now it's time for the twist ending - no more updates ever!


lol, guys chill it'll be up when it's up.

Dagorahn and Trunix said...

^ Let's hope not.

Anyway, no need to pressure yourself, Troy. I mean, pretty soon you'll be resigning yourself to Wednesday updates, and as the tradition goes, you'll undoubtedly switch to Thursday updates next. At least when you're finally sick and tired of it all, you will have switched so many times that you'll cycle back to Monday updates. You'll get a lot of rest, we'll get early updates again. It's a win-win, I certainly see no faults in this.

me said...

I think you should go back to doing updates every OTHER week

Groggy Dundee said...

It would be cool if this blog had or was affiliated with a discussion board or something. Just a suggestion.

Anonymous said...

That might not be a bad idea. It'd make the remaining books last longer... unless he plans to cover the entirety of Give Yourself Goosebumps. Which'd be good, but there's like fifty of them.

Zak said...

No. Don't listen to "me". He is evil.

gargatar said...

I just recalled the existence of the two-part parody series called R.U. Slime's Gooflumps. Always wondered what they were about, and now intrigued as to how someone parodied something that was already a complete joke in the first place. Any chance you could go through the two books from that series?

Anonymous said...

Is this how it happened to VG cats lol =p

And though I agree he really should go back to every other week, it's been a month or so. Plus at least we know he's reading these comments, or someone is if they're moderator approval only.

Anonymous said...

Man...I'm kind of disappointed.

I mean, I figured it would be up on Tuesday. I usually don't expect that, but after the long break...

...and then I saw the "half written" comment...

...and got my hopes up...

dude said...

wheres the dam update

Anonymous said...

...Is it that bad a book, or can you just not get into it? I anticipated you throwing this particular title at the wall a few times, I must admit.

Groggy Dundee said...

Alright, you're six days late.

Anonymous said...

You haven't abandoned this blog, have you?

Zak said...

haha it's been almost a week since Troy promised us an update later tonight. I'm sure there's a pretty good reason and I'm not gonna bitch about it, seeing as by the time anyone is able to read this it will be up. 67 comments for almost a week... I'm pissing myself imagining what the unapproved comments after "me"'s comment consist of. lol that's something I'm looking forward to as much as the update.

Anonymous said...

Troy, where are you????

Anonymous said...

lol dead blog and you're all angry about it

Anonymous said...

Um, so. I'm going to make some guesses.

1. You were so offended by insults and demands for updates that you quit. If this is the case, sorry. If it helps, people only whine because they love the blog.

2. Computer crash or real-life circumstances are impeding you, in which case - best of luck. Real life comes first.

3. You felt under so much pressure to be funny that you cracked. I don't know? In my opinion, any review is better than no review; I want to hear what the crowd here think of the books.

4. You really, really hate Be Afraid - Be Very Afraid! To my recollection it is a book which not only screws over the readers but comments on the fact that it does so.

5. Some combination of the above. 4.'s gotta be in there somewhere.

Anonymous said...

But the twist is: That after reading about the horrors of the Ghost Camp Troy, our main hero, decided the books were so terrible that he shut down the blog forever.

Update or I walk...to the library to read some of these books and mock them myself.

troy steele said...

I'm too close to being finished with this series to quit now. Updates will return at some point. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe "tomorrow." Who knows. Thanks for liking the site enough to care that it hasn't been updating lately

Zak said...

OMG your alive.

I jizzed when I saw 83 comments instead of 67.

But yeah, you should consider the discussion board idea! All we have are comment exchanges which you have to babysit and approve... can't we have a BBBBS?

Zak said...

But wait, one other thing, you said the entry was half written!

Can the other half be written tomorrow? Just that...

catboy_j said...

I appreciate your devotion to not leaving us behind over a few idiots. Some people get really mad about a few assholes bitching nya. =/ I really enjoy your blog, it's helped me a few times when I was quite depressed. Keep up the good work please <3 Love and peace

Anonymous said...

Gods, Troy, you had me worried there. Not for the blog but for you as a person.

Groggy Dundee said...

Nice to see you back, Troy. I'm glad you're okay.

I think a discussion board might be a good idea so that we wouldn't go stir-crazy waiting for comments to be approved. You don't have to run it though, I'm sure one of us could create a proboard or something.

Anonymous said...

I was beginning to think you were dead, Troy. Good to see you in good health.

I would take your time if you're feeling a bit iffy about the Goosebumps thing. Please don't quit. We love you. If you need a break, take it.

Anonymous said...

This will probably lead into the greatest twist ending of all. Troy promises an update but he can't update because it turns out that he's a dog or something.

Groggy Dundee said...

No, he can't do it because the carwash cost five dollars!!!

Anonymous said...

I just had to post to commend comment #90. Fine work.

Chris said...

Granted, they were years of inflation after when Stine (or his ghostwriter of the moment) wrote Calling All Creeps and they involved higher quality service, but I HAVE been involved in school fundraiser car washes that have charged MORE than five dollars. And made money.

Anonymous said...

Speaking of which, I read HorrorLand #6 and #7 the other day. The plot of #6 was all over the place but I find it strangely appealing overall. #7 was just one of the awful "wacky" books. I'm hoping #8 will be more grounded.

I'm also disappointed by how much Scholastic is milking the series, but that's pretty much par for the course as I understand it.

Groggy Dundee said...

Which are six and seven?

Anonymous said...

Groggy Dundee, if memory serves correctly, six is Who's Your Mummy, and seven is My Friends Call Me Monster. I could very well be wrong though.

Groggy Dundee said...

I read Say Cheese and Die Screaming! tonight. It was dumb.

Groggy Dundee said...

>if memory serves correctly, six is Who's Your Mummy, and seven is My Friends Call Me Monster. I could very well be wrong though.

Thought as much. Hated the Mummy book, enjoyed My Friends Call Me Monster to the extent that it was ridiculously cheesy and over-the-top.

Zak said...

potential 100th comment!

Groggy Dundee said...

Sorry, Zak.

tj said...

What I think of the horrorland series so far
Reveenge Of the living dummy:Horrible
Creep From the Deep:Good
Monster Blood For Breakfest:Good
Scream Of The Haunted Mask:Really Good
Dr.Maniac VS Robby Swartz:OK
Who's Your Mummy:Silly and Stupid
100 comments thats a new record
You know what we missed in January? Blogger Bewares 3rd Anaviasrey! Happy 3rd Anavisary Blogger Beware!

Groggy Dundee said...

Well, I didn't hate Robby Schwartz but it was too derivative of Attack of the Mutant for my tastes. Otherwise Scream of the Haunted Mask was the only genuinely good one. I honestly don't think Stine is trying anymore, or else what little talent/ability he had is completely gone.

Is there the remotest chance of an update tonight? That would make me so happy you'd have no idea.

Anon e Mouse Jr. said...

I actually liked "Creep from the Deep" and "Who's Your Mummy?". They're the only ones where I've really read the whole story more than once. I can't stand Slappy, I'm neutral about book 3, book 4 was really good, 5 was just weird, and 7 was okay, but it just didn't grab me. And pardon the rhyme, but book 8 really wasn't worth the wait. Other than that mention of "The Keeper". If that's not the master villain of this series, I will be very surprised.

The rest of them had better be good though. (And if nothing else, at least I'll get a copy of "The Horror at Camp Jellyjam" out of this. It's one of the books I'm still missing from my collection, and although I KNOW it's one of the lousier ones, I still want to read it again.)

Until next time...

Anon e Mouse Jr.

Anonymous said...

I think that with HorrorLand, Stine is... well, he's really mushing too many ideas together sometimes, and because of the reduced length then none of them has sufficient time to stand out. Other books are just long strings of clich├ęs. I'm not sure how hard he's trying, either, and Scholastic's really milking the series. I'm going to rate the books so far, but this doesn't include the HorrorLand segments, as it's hard to judge them individually and I quite like them all. They're the parts where Stine is really doing something different, or trying to.

#1: Lame, not much we haven't seen before.
#2: Strange... and not really in the spirit of Deep Trouble.
#3: Terrible, but probably the book that best sums up "Monster Blood."
#4: Loved it.
#5: So ridiculous it wraps right around and becomes awesome. I swear Stine's taking the mick.
#6: Strangely dark in retrospect... looking back, I like it.
#7: Terrible, a waste of a good title. Bring back the version where it was about an evil curse.

Ryan S said...

I come back every few days hoping for an update, nothing ever shows up though....

tj said...

Goosebumps Horrorland 2008 Cultarul Refrences:
Cell Phones
HBO
Disney Channel
The Hulk
Ipod
Horrrland
monster blood
Questionable uncleing:
So Dr.D takes his Nephews under the sea to look for a sucken ship. Yeah thats smart

morbidiculous said...

Well, in Stine's defence, he...

No. There's no defence for Goosebumps. :)

Anonymous said...

Troy-
I don't want to get overly sentimental or anything, but if you're not feeling well, I'm sorry. I hope you know that your blog is one of the funniest things I read online. I say we all tell Troy our favorite "Blogger Beware" moments!
I know mine. I was studying for my big Biology test, and was looking over my notes. I decided to take a little break, and headed here. I proceeded to read the "It Came from Beneath the Sink!" entry.
For the entire test, two words kept entering my mind:
"PIZZA PARTY!"
I couldn't stop laughing. Thanks!

Anonymous said...

Return To Ghost Camp. A book so bad it killed the blog that had reviewed every book before it and made it through.

Or would you prefer "Return To Ghost Camp. A nuclear bomb in a series of hand grenades."

Anonymous said...

So is this update ever coming?

Groggy Dundee said...

So, yeah.

Sadako said...

I was hoping for a new update, too. Like, for a Valentine's Day gift. :(

Andys said...

Pleeeease don't abandon this blog, you're four books away from my favourite!

Anonymous said...

I remember you saying that Chicken Chicken nearly killed the blog. I'm not entirely surprised that Be Afraid - Be Very Afraid! has knocked it off that top spot. It's exactly the sort of book I can imagine you having no patience with whatsoever. Goodness knows there was a point where I had to put down Dr. Maniac Vs. Robby Schwartz, say "What.", and go have lunch rather than reading on.

Anonymous said...

Sadly, Be Afraid, etc. is basically the only remaining book I haven't read yet... it's. so. close!

Anonymous said...

Please Troy, give us an update, it's been 2 months since the last review

Anonymous said...

A shame the blog is dead. She was a good read.

Dickens McFarlie said...

The day I visit this page and am not greeted by a stockphoto image of Santa Claus will be a strange day.

Anonymous said...

So, this blog is dead isn't it?

Groggy Dundee said...

Okay, Troy. We've waited quite awhile now without any sign of your being alive, so I'll say it: COME ON, YA LAZY BASTARD!

Anonymous said...

Where is this update!?

Anonymous said...

Troy, come back!

DarkfireTaimatsu said...

Troy, is there something you're not telling us? Are you dead?

It's been eons, Troy. We're not hanging you by the stockings with care anymore. We're hanging you in effigy. =<

Great escaper said...

WOW Id completly forgotten about this site, im still subscribed to the RSS feed (as its soo awsome =D) but what happened, theres been no updates since Christmas? I miss the scathing critisms of Stine =(.

Anonymous said...

No, the twist is that Troy was a zombie this whole time. And we are all dogs. And then we woke up and it was all a dream, but first there was a hook on the door and the calls were coming from inside the house!

Jacquie said...

Even the review has confused me. I'm not sure still what the book is about. What a terrible book.

Commander Melander said...

Troy, has it really been 6 months since the last update? Unless you're suffering some terminal illness and living your days to the fullest, I want a goddamn update!

Commander Melander said...

Troy, my favorite bloggerbeware moment was one day, while I was searcing the web, I came across your review of Screams in the Night. For the next year, I shouted at random moments, "And that author was Gore Vidal, and every character starts fucking each other." Great blog!

Anonymous said...

Troooy... where r u? I'm worried. On aside note, Anon E. Mouse, can you tell me more about that Goosebumps teen drama? Thx By the way, I'm Commander Melander, but Google keeps rejecting my password, so I'm going by Anonymous from now on.

Anonymous said...

Hey Troy! I've been wondering for a long time.

What is that green circle on the cover? Is that part of the cover art?

Anonymous said...

I bet there's some Equus reference with the book's cover.

tastes good said...

ironicly the cover was by tim jacobus and this was one of his favourite covers

sabrina_diamond said...

Are you sure Laura wasn't a Kitsune who was trying to lure Dustin away (Snatcher Alert)?
And that is seriously the most messed up cover I've ever seen. Why so serious?

oooh, conflad (the verification word)

Anonymous said...

After all that there's just one thing I'm wondering now...

WHEN DID THIS BLOGGER BEWARE GET A FACEBOOK GROUP??

too bad its filled with spammers...

narvelmarvel said...

You were too harsh. I think this was actually a pretty nice book comparing to other about summer camps and stuff

Anonymous said...

Oh my God, that was hilarious!

Anonymous said...

I feel so smug cause I've just found this site and looking at all of your angry comments realized that I don't have to wait for an update!

Jake said...

This one wasn't half-bad. It was a bit of a hodgepodge of a story, what with random zombie hands appearing out of the lake for no reason whatsoever but I thought it contained some mildly amusing/unsettling moments. The description afforded to the 'Cherokee' cabin was truly terrifying, what with its fleas & gnats & fleas & no fly screens and whatnot. I object to this bearing name-relation to its 'predecessor' though, as it's not even sorta a sequel + 'Ghost Camp' was far greater.

Anonymous said...

So it's called "Return To Ghost Camp"...
It's not the same camp as the original Ghost Camp.
There are no returning characters.
There are no references to anything even slightly related to the original.
Where's the "RETURN"?

They just decided to market a completely random camp related goosebumps book as a sequel to Ghost Camp. They may as well have just called the first Ghost Camp Book "Return to Camp Nightmare", it's as much of a sequel to Welcome to Camp Nightmare as this rubbish is to Ghost Camp. This book doesn't deserve to call itself a sequel to Ghost Camp.
...Holy shit, that's something I never thought I'd say.

Anonymous said...

So it's called "Return To Ghost Camp"...
It's not the same camp as the original Ghost Camp.
There are no returning characters.
There are no references to anything even slightly related to the original.
Where's the "RETURN"?

They just decided to market a completely random camp related goosebumps book as a sequel to Ghost Camp. They may as well have just called the first Ghost Camp Book "Return to Camp Nightmare", it's as much of a sequel to Welcome to Camp Nightmare as this rubbish is to Ghost Camp. This book doesn't deserve to call itself a sequel to Ghost Camp.
...Holy shit, that's something I never thought I'd say.

Anonymous said...

Lol, because not supporting gay marriage = "burn teh geyz!!!!1" Troy, buddy, at least try to keep your political agenda out of every few reviews, yeah? Don't be like those silly religious fundies who can't keep their silly beliefs out of everything, gosh darnit.

Anonymous said...

If you think this book had nothing to do with the original check out scream of the haunted mask.
Steve and chuck are only there for 9 pages and the events of the haunted mask II could never happen
1.Carly Beth is 12(in haunted maskIi she's thirteen)
2. According to the books the haunted mask returns for her every Halloween in the haunted mask II all there is of the haunted mask are references to the original.
The tragedy is that was actually my favorite goosebumps book because all the others tried to pretend to be scary when they were just plain ridiculous. However it actually embraced the ridiculousness of the situation.
Also Troy I have a theory each character had a mask best suited to them.
1. Carly Beth like the haunted mask hates all those around her even her friends.
2.True to old people cliches at the beginning of the book Steve complains about the younger generation and how he's too old.( to go trick or treating).
3.I don't believe which mask Chuck was wearing at the end of The haunted mask II but I think in the tv episode it was the one with flesh rolling off him.
(Or the fat one). Which makes sense because almost every scene with Steve in it involves food or candy.