Wednesday, March 11, 2009

The World Needs Laughter

As soon as I actually manage to finish Be Afraid-- Be Very Afraid, the entry will be posted. You may find yourself asking, "Is it really that unreadable that it's taken months to get through?" To which I can only reply, "It's a Goosebumps book about kids playing cards and I stopped reading it after an excitable dwarf got conjured." I'd say more now, but as stated, I can only reply, "It's a Goosebumps book about kids playing cards and I stopped reading it after an excitable dwarf got conjured."

188 comments:

Chad Walters said...

I can only imagine that it will be ENTIRELY worth the wait.

Sadako said...

Yay! A new update! I can't wait!

Anonymous said...

Ah yes I remember that one, it truly was terrible, particularly it's twist.

Devika said...

*Sniffle* This news has made this day one of the happiest of my life!

Anonymous said...

Exciteable dwarves are by no means the worst this book has to offer. ...Although I didn't remember such a thing, and frankly, it sounds awful.

Good to hear from you, too.

Great escaper said...

WOOOT go troy!

Chris R said...

You just made my week, sir.

forgotten sin said...

Wow. it's THAT bad huh? so bad it shut down progress of the blog for 3 months. Hopefully it will come, but at this point Duke Nukem forever has a better chance of being out first.

Anonymous said...

You guys are mean. I liked this book. :(

Rhomega said...

Glad to hear another entry is coming.

Anonymous said...

dont you ever scare me like that again troy! three months without an update starts to get a little concerning but if the books as bad as you say the next entry should be well worth the wait!

Anonymous said...

I can only imagine your reaction to the first season of Yugioh.

Groggy Dundee said...

BULLY!

Excitable dwarves eh? Is this Warwick Davis's biography?

pogonrudie said...

Hallelujah! I thought you'd been kidnapped or something.

Christian said...

Great! You're all right! Had to admit I was getting worried.

Candy Kane said...

And just in time for my birthday (which is this coming Thursday)! Your blog is so cool. I know when I was a kid, I was obsessed with Goosebumps, but your blog sort of cured that raging case of nostalgia for these books (though some of them aren't that bad looking back).

Dood said...

Thanks for the update, guy. I missed ya.

Anonymous said...

Im glad to know this blog is not dead, and hearing all the torture you're going thru just to entertain us, just makes the wait well worth it.

Zak said...

Take your time with the entry, just for the love of all that is good, keep approving our comments so we know you're around, thanks.

alex said...

your back man its been along time cant wait i remeber reading this book and i think the people in the book actuality complain about the book itself

Anonymous said...

oh thank god youre not quitting, i was worried for about two months.

Anonymous said...

i so excited! god knows why im so excited about a blog but i am.

Groggy Dundee said...

Most recently I read Stine's autobiography (which was fun), the great Piano Lessons Can Be Murder, and The Haunted School, a decent late-original series entry.

I think we should do a list of the top x Goosebumps quotes/Great Prose Alerts at some point. My brother cracked up for minutes on end at the Monster Blood II quote about "wiping the smile off Conan's face with his fists."

troy steele said...

"I had the strength of two Kyles" has always been a personal favorite

Groggy Dundee said...

Let us not forget "Mom said I shouldn't worry about losing my brain" either.

Dagorahn and Trunix said...

Along with those, you can also do a list of the top Out of Context alerts. It goes without saying, but they're pretty much the most infamous alerts of this blog. Hell, you don't even have to rank them, just a compilation is already awesome.

Yama said...

I thought it broke you completely.

eric said...

I find it funny that Stine can write these books faster than the average human can read them.

Anyway, it'll be a while before you're out of Stine products to riff on, but you should consider doing the Twilight series. Same level of irresponsible awfulness, only stretched out to 500+ pages apiece.

Groggy Dundee said...

I'd be more than happy to write the Twilight-bashing blog. Those books are insufferable.

C.L. Young said...

[QUOTE]Dagorahn and Trunix said...
Along with those, you can also do a list of the top Out of Context alerts. It goes without saying, but they're pretty much the most infamous alerts of this blog. Hell, you don't even have to rank them, just a compilation is already awesome.[/QUOTE]

Why wait for Troy to do it? I have some Out of Context Alerts posted on the blogs of the first three Goosebumps books: Welcome to Dead House, Stay Out of the Basement, and Monster Blood. I'm surprised that Troy didn't read into these, considering that he read into the gay innuendo in "Return to Ghost Camp".

Anonymous said...

"but you should consider doing the Twilight series."

Please, no. That's been done to death.

troy steele said...

The "Out of Context Text Alerts" are a fairly new addition to the blog (within the last year or so). I know they're popular, but I've cut several right before posting because I think in general they're a bit much.

C.L. Young said...

The "Out of Context Text Alerts" are a fairly new addition to the blog (within the last year or so). I know they're popular, but I've cut several right before posting because I think in general they're a bit much.

Reply: Then let *me* do it, Troy. I have a blog on here ("Childhood Remixed") that I've been trying to make popular and I don't mind going back and reading Goosebumps books to help you find innuendo. All I ask is that you check out my blog when I do start posting the Goosebumps innuendo (I don't know about the other series, like Goosebumps 2000 or Give Yourself Goosebumps since those are hard to find).

Groggy Dundee said...

I did a provisional 25 Best Goosebumps quotes list. I'd be happy to post it somewhere once I get home from work.

Groggy Dundee said...

Let's not forget the quote about the black kid from Attack of the Jack O'Lanterns. "The girls all think he's terrific, but I can never understand a word he says."

Dagorahn and Trunix said...

^ We certainly can't forget that one. I'm mildly shocked at how subtle and at the same time how blatantly obvious the racial subtext is. So damn funny.

I was actually referring to the OoC text alerts already in the blog. I feel it be better if Troy compiled them himself, simply because they're...well...in his blog, and he picked these specific ones for a reason, so he would definitely know which of them places higher. This is all ultimately up to his discretion, of course. Right now those prose alerts are becoming a great read.

Stanko said...

He's alive? Hrm, lost that bet.

forgotten sin said...

Come on Troy, you've survived Kids who were really dogs, evil cameras that made kids obese, Chicken Chicken, vomit scene after vomit scene, and the car wash costing 5 dollars, i have faith you can survive an exciteable dwarf.

Anonymous said...

Or maybe you decided to give yourself a head start on the Give Yourself Goosebumps series. Those books really do look time-consuming to get through, with their nearly endless possibilities of stories.

Noah said...

Welcome back, Troy! The last four BB-less months have been the darkest of my life :(

Groggy Dundee said...

Ah, but can he survive haunted cars, candy-bar-created werewolves, aliens that eat from their armpits, mirror crab monsters, and more Slappy?

Anonymous said...

For a while there, I was starting to think R.L Stine himself had put a stop to you Troy.

C.L. Young said...

[QUOTE]Ah, but can he survive haunted cars, candy-bar-created werewolves, aliens that eat from their armpits, mirror crab monsters, and more Slappy?[/QUOTE]

That's what I want to know, especially the candy bar-created werewolves story ("Full Moon Fever"). Troy, just a heads-up: You thought "Chicken Chicken" contained disturbingly abusive and violent scenes against children--"Full Moon Fever" makes "Chicken Chicken" look like a walk in the park on a nice spring day. If I were you, I'd make that blog entry a quiz.

The other stories don't seem that bad (but I never really read them; the last Goosebumps 2000 book I read was "Bride of the Living Dummy". By then, I abandoned "Goosebumps" for "Fear Street" and "Ghosts of Fear Street"), but something tells me that the crab people in the mirror story ("Ghosts in the Mirror") will contain a reference to that South Park episode that had crab people in it.

Oh, and you should really mention that R.L. Stine had a Goosebumps 2000 book called "The Incredible Shrinking Fifth Grader" that he never released because Scholastic's contract with him expired.

Anonymous said...

Who else is hoping that the last horror, the nefarious puppetmaser, in the Goosebumps HorrorLand series will turn out to be R.L. Stine?

(Who else is REALLY hoping it will turn out to be Troy?)

Anonymous said...

Woah woah woah, I totally suggested that idea months ago. Unfortunately, HorrorLand as an enormous allegory for the milking of the Goosebumps franchise with Stine being the omniscient puppet-master controlling the characters' lives is far too cool to be true. It's probably just Slappy, although I'm hoping there'll at least be some obscure continuity references.

Dale said...

:O I've missed this blog!
Hurry up with the new entry Troy! My Goosebumps fix needs to be fed lol

Much love,
The Teenage Martyr ;)

http://confessionsofateenagemartyr.blogspot.com/

Groggy Dundee said...

>Troy, just a heads-up: You thought "Chicken Chicken" contained disturbingly abusive and violent scenes against children--"Full Moon Fever" makes "Chicken Chicken" look like a walk in the park on a nice spring day. If I were you, I'd make that blog entry a quiz.

Well I've been warning about (and I must admit looking forward to) that one for months now. Remember that Pumpkin Juice story in that Still More Tales to Give You Goosebumps collection? Imagine that crossed with Chicken Chicken and expanded to novel length. Troy's righteous indignation can make for good reading, but it's his call what he wants to do with it.

Groggy Dundee said...

Besides that one, Slappy's Nightmare is very self-reflexive and almost a self-parody if memory serves (it's told from Slappy's POV). Earth Geeks and Ghost in the Mirror are just really, really dumb, not really morally abhorrent. Haven't read The Haunted Car though I can't imagine it's any good.

morbidiculous said...

I think Stine liked the cultural universality of haunted car stories - if memory serves, there was a Fear Street book about a possessed car that required two sequels?

It pre-dated every single scene in Death Proof, right down to the text messaging.

Anonymous said...

To my recollection, The Haunted Car is about what you'd expect from a book with that title. And I never read Slappy's Nightmare, so I'm quite looking forward to it.

Dagorahn and Trunix said...

Troy will inevitably have to return to this blog, as he still has one more long overdue "Tales to Give You Goosebumps" book to cover, and as the calendar shows, he has but a few months until summer rolls around (though you would never guess it with this spring weather being the most capricious weather I've experienced), which is convenient as this book deals with summer. Yay. It's also the first "Tales" book that I recall being as good enough to blow the other "Tales" books out of the water. Plus, he'll be able to make fun of whatever trinket came along with the book. I really don't know what's going on, Troy (other than you going through "Give yourself Goosebumps", cuz let's face it, you certainly can't be doing anything else other than having a life.), but that one book is certainly one that you MUST go through. It is ultimately up to you, of course, whether it be this summer, or...next summer...but it must be done.

morbidiculous said...

I don't know if this will encourage you to "keep on trucking" (I saw it written in a Robert Crumb comic and then on the wrapper on a breakfast sandwich this morning), troy, but I hope it reminds you about the important things in life and not to give up, as long as your message of something or other reaches just one person:

http://img25.imageshack.us/img25/4893/image200903230002.j

:)

Groggy Dundee said...

I have my fingers cross that this is the week!

Dagorahn and Trunix said...

Please.

phil r said...

super psyched to sink my teeth into your next blog troy, and i'm number 55!

Elizabeth said...

I hope Troy will do Give Yourself Goosebumps, but I imagine that it will be difficult and maybe take longer for each entry, since it will involve mapping out a lot of possible outcomes/twists for each book.

Groggy Dundee said...

I guess when Troy said "Very soon" he meant in a cosmic sense.

Anonymous said...

I remember Troy saying he'd do... was it at least one GYG, or at least some? I'm quite looking forward to seeing how he handles those.

Elizabeth said...

There is a Give Yourself Goosebumps about werewolves that I would like to see Troy do, although I wonder if he wants to take a break from werewolves for a while. It was the one where you (the character) go to a camp where the other kids are werewolves. There was another kid at the beginning who had a collection of pewter figurines, although I don't remember why he wanted to bring them to a camp.

Hans said...

Woah, I checked again after weeks of not checking. Don't let Stine beat you Troy!

Anonymous said...

Almost 3 weeks since we were promised an update, what's going on bro?

Chris said...

Perhaps he's building up a buffer during this delay so that when he starts back he can guarantee regular updates?

Anonymous said...

I wonder if Troy is aghast at or amused by comment #62.

Groggy Dundee said...

Come on, Troy... if you're busy or having personal problems just let us know and we'll bugger off until you come back. If you're going to keep promising updates in the near-future and then not do anything for weeks, there will be much more whining in the future.

Q & T said...

I couldn't wait so I basically stole Troy's format for reviewing each and every Magic School Bus I'm currently doing on Rotten Tomatoes. Hell, I even stole the test one. I'm an unoriginal bastard. :(

Chase said...

Troy has gone Dave Chappelle on us.

Anonymous said...

What does building up a buffer mean?

Chris said...

I'm trying to be optimistic about how long this delay has been. He's making it hard, but I'm trying.

drew said...

C'mon man! This "excitable dwarf" needs an update.

THIS IS SPARTA! said...

THIS IS BLOGGER BEWARE!

troy steele said...

If I promised a date to update and then something came up, you all would be a lot more upset than if I just kept it vague like it is now. I will write an update as soon as I can allot the time to do so, I swear. Thank you all for checking back so often though, you're true blue. Print yourself out a certificate to that effect, fax it to me, and I'll fax you back your copy with my signature and special seal affixed.

Anonymous said...

Comment #67, "building up a buffer" would mean that he was writing a whole bunch of entries at once so he'd have several weeks' worth of updates and no work to do during any of those weeks. Troy is presumably not doing this.

Sadako said...

Anonymous--ah, I get it. But would that really be so wrong (building up a buffer)? It would be pretty convenient, at any rate, for both him and us.

troy steele said...

I did it once when I wrote the entries for the two original Mummy books back to back. Then someone commented with a pun I had already made in the second, un-posted entry and I decided never to write ahead ever again.

Dagorahn and Trunix said...

^ Well, at least you're active, or at least giving signs of being active. Keep up the good progress on...whatever it is you're doing.

Groggy Dundee said...

Yeah, the buffer idea might be a bit rough on Troy.

Obligatory Pep Talker said...

Troy, don't give up. Do it for this blogger, who thinks you're the greatest!

http://lauriedoublevie24.wordpress.com/2009/04/04/the-low-rent-library-1-yours-stine-and-ours/

I couldn't wait so I basically stole Troy's format for reviewing each and every Magic School Bus I'm currently doing on Rotten Tomatoes. Hell, I even stole the test one. I'm an unoriginal bastard. :( said...

I couldn't wait so I basically stole Troy's format for reviewing the horrrorland books I'm currently doing on TV.com

Anonymous said...

Four months for an update? I'm not complaining, but my God that must be one horrible book.

Dagorahn and Trunix said...

After all is said and done, Troy, you should make a list of the books that set a record on your blog. This one is included for obvious reasons.

tj said...

No Update fcr Four months ?
Looks like he's dead.

Anonymous said...

Oh, it must be Troy's zombie writing the posts, then.

Speaking of such things, I read "Say Cheese - and Die Screaming!" a few days ago. It started off as one of the better presentations of the "evil camera" cliché, and subverted a couple of my expectations, but then I got to the alligator skin.

Groggy Dundee said...

>but then I got to the alligator skin.

And the bee head... Ugh

Anonymous said...

I actually thought the bee head had a pretty good explanation, in line with the improved presentation of the camera tricks earlier in the book. It's just a shame it had to be a bee head.

forgotten sin said...

Bee head? Alligator skin? when did Stine decide to go from camera with evil signs of the future, to camera who just likes to fuck around with kids?

Groggy Dundee said...

Well I have to admit the red eye was pretty funny. I think we're not to assume that this was the same camera as before, though.

Canais "Candy Kane" Young said...

Troy, don't give up. You've survived "Chicken Chicken" for God's sake; you CAN survive this.

Speaking of "Chicken Chicken", I made a PhotoShopped version of the cover that shows the actual title of the book: [url] http://lauriedoublevie24.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/kfc-sponsorship.jpg[/url].

If you want to see more, visit my blog at [url]http://lauriedoublevie24.wordpress.com/[/url]

(If the link isn't highlighted, just copy and paste on the address bar).

Anonymous said...

The cameras have different backstories, and I'm not sure the new one is any better. It starts off being written better, I think, but ends up worse. Well, fifty percent isn't bad, I guess?

Groggy Dundee said...

>when did Stine decide to go from camera with evil signs of the future, to camera who just likes to fuck around with kids?

That was the second book with the fat/skinny pictures.

My Friends Call Me Monster is one of the best books i have ever read said...

Revenge of the living dummy was an abomination.

Creep From the deep was o.k

Monster Blood for breakfast was good.

Scream Of The Haunted Mask was good

DR.Manianc VS Robby Schwartz was the first goosebumps book to break the 4th wall. Still Good.

At the end it turns out the whole thing was just a comic strip called You Guessed it:Scream Of The Haunted Mask

Who's Your Mummy was a pretty good book up until we find out that the mummy uncle eats hair. Nuff Said

My Friends Call Me Monster is one of the best books i have ever read

Great Prose Alert: "I always try to think positively, even when I'm DOOMED!"

Also Micheal's friends call him, you guessed it: Who's Your Mummy?

Has anyone read Welcome to camp slither yet? I haven't but it sounds bad.

Scarynow said...

Some of these goosebumps are so bad that one day i Said to myself"I Can do better than that!" So i did.

I've made up a bunch of story's R.l Stine should have tried when had the chance.
The Haunted Doll)
The Haunted Doll II
The Haunted Motorcycle
The Haunted Bike
My Dad Is A Murderer(
It Came from the Television(
The Haunted Website
I Dated A Vampire
My Sister Went Out With A Ghost
Werewolf School
Vampire Town
My Best Friend Rick
The Ghost Of Santa Clause
Attack Of The Zombies(
Night Of The Living Nick
The Cannibal
Rumor Of Horrors
A look Into the future
Zombie Movie
School Spirit
Ghost Bully
The Haunted Hair
The Curse Of Camp Everwood(
The Employee
The Ghost Of Eddy
I was a Teenage Vampire
The Watch
The Haunted River
Attack Of the zombies 2
Hotel Of Horrors
Hotel Of Horrors 2
Monster Baby
I dated a Werewolf
Hypo Watch
Pray to the devil
the school from heck
The Map
The Game of death
Life Game
The Genie
How To Survive a Horror Movie
3-D Horrors
Perfect House
The Mind Reader

Anyone who can guess the plots of the books gets a cookie

Has anyone else made up their own goosebumps books?

Anonymous said...

"The Haunted Hair"? Is this like that one Simpsons Hallowe'en special?

I hear #9 and #10 of HorrorLand are out in some places, but in my country they're not available for another couple of weeks.

DarkfireTaimatsu said...

Welcome to Camp Slither is a Goosebumps camp book, that should tell you how "good" it is right there. =3 Furthermore, it's also about snakes. And scientists.

There's also a scene where the phones don't work. R.L. Stine's favourite plot point. He should really just write a whole book about the subject.

As far as the HorrorLand series goes, though, I'm very fond of the even-numbered books, and I loathe the odd-numbered ones. I also like the video game, for the most part. (Did you ever get that email of my fan review of the game, Troy?)

I LOVE TROY said...

It's just not Blogger Beware without late entries

tj said...

Haas anyone read "Help! We Have Strange Powers!" Yet? It's out here in thee U.S It looks pretty good. But This IS an R.l.Stine book after all.

R.L stine must be stalking me. Because I read the Ghost Of Fear Street Book "How to be a vampire" it was pretty good. But there's kid with my anme in it. My name is T.J but I don't know anyone that has that name besides me. And T.J becomes a vampire at the end.

WOW R.L stine hates me.

Anyone else read the the Ghost Of Fear Street Books?

Groggy Dundee said...

>Great Prose Alert: "I always try to think positively, even when I'm DOOMED!"

Hear hear!

I also liked "Do cats understand what Shhh! means?" and "Please don't meow, I silently begged the cat."

tj said...

Top 11 WORST Goosebumps Books
Why Top 11? Becuase I like to go 1 step beyond

11 Headless Halloween
10 Bad Hare Day
09 Go Eat Worm
08 Attack of the Jack-O'-Lanterns
07 Revenge Of The Living dummy
06 Who's Your Mummy?
05 Monster Blood II
04 Scarecrow Walks at Midnight
03 Haunted Mask II
02 My Best Friend Is Invisible
01 Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes

BEST Goosebumps Books

11 My Friends Call Me Monster
10 Night Of The living Dummy II
09 How I Learned to Fly
08 Welcome to Camp Nightmare
07 the Ghost Next Door
06: the Haunted School
05: Werewolf Skin
04: Be Careful What You Wish For...
03: Calling All Creeps
02: Let's Get Invisible
01: Ghost Camp

Ten WORST Goosebumps Characters
01 Bradley from Monster Blood For Breakfast

Best twist ending:
Calling All Creeps

Worst Twist ending:
My Best Friend Is Invisible

Worst NON Goosebumps R.L Stine Book:
Ghost Of Fear Street:Hide And Shriek

BEST NON Goosebumps R.L Stine Book:
The Haunting Hour

Best Villain:
Slappy

Worst Villan:
The Lawn Gnomes

Scariest Goosebumps Book:
Ghost Camp

King Of The Name Drops:
Mostly Ghostly:Who Let The Ghost out? and A Night In doom house

Best TV Episode:
Welcome To Camp Nightmare

Blogger Beware Lover said...

Almost 100 comments yet AGAIN.
just SKIP be afraid and do More tales instead. You can do Be Afraid later

Anonymous said...

tj, I've read How to Be a Vampire, too. It's actually one of my favourite R.L. Stine books, and though I haven't read many Ghosts of Fear Street books, it's probably one of the best of the series. I also always liked Don't Ever Get Sick at Granny's.

forgotten sin said...

Troy, if you're getting too busy to do a review, maybe you should have people do guest reviews for you. Especially since you seem in no mood to tackle the book with the Dwarf who seems too excitable for your tastes.

Dagorahn and Trunix said...

^ NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT.

There's a reason why we constantly complain about Troy not updating all the time: it's because we wouldn't want anyone else to do what he should be the only one doing. Make no mistake, if someone else even attempts to salvage something together to replicate the hilarity behind his entries, you know, the same hilarity that made this blog so awesome in the first place, it is going to SUCK. You can argue that nobody has to replicate Troy's humor, that the entry will be original in their tastes, but then I'll say, "Well, then it won't be Blogger Beware anymore now, would it?"

No other way out, Troy, it's all on you.

Groggy Dundee said...

Well, I read the two newest installments in the Horrorland series. Camp Slither was pretty dumb, but I actually thought Help! We Have Strange Powers! was pretty clever, at least by Goosebumps standards.

Blogger Beware Lover said...

I played the horrrland video game. There's something very interesting you might like. There's monster call the Great Gargantuan. Before taking off into the sky with it's massive, scaly wings, the creature announces that it's "going to make the world it's Horrorland." This means only one thing, everything that transpired afterwords, Welcome to Dead House and every Goosebumps tale following it, was the Great Gargantuan's doing.
Didn't see that coming.

Elizabeth said...

Don't Ever Get Sick At Granny's reminds me a little of My Hairiest Adventure (you'll know why if you've read it and know the ending).

tj said...

What's the vomit count up to now? I think it's 19/20, but I'm not sure.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad someone else noticed that some of the people leaving comments act like they want to write Goosebumps reviews, not realizing that they're 1) not funny and 2) not good writers.

Anon e Mouse Jr. said...

Great googly moogly, this book must be bad if it's taking Troy this long to get through it... I doubt it's as bad as "Chicken Chicken", but maybe it's the "Attack of the Jack-O-Lanterns" or "A Shocker on Shock Street"-type bad.

Am I right, Troy?

Until next time...

Anon e Mouse Jr.

Sadako said...

Have you heard that R. L. Stine's going to be at Book Expo this year, in New York City? I plan on going.

Anonymous said...

Oh wow, now if only I lived in New York! Or America. When is the Book Expo, is it after HorrorLand has finished? You could quiz him about his plot decisions. ...And about what happened to the original plot of The Scream Of The Haunted Mask being about an entire house full of haunted masks in which Carly-Beth has to stay a night. ...Also, Goosebumps Gold. Why am I more interested in the stuff that never got released?

Sadako said...

It's at the very end of May I believe--he'll be signing and giving away for free copies of Horrorland #11. I wonder what he's like in real life!

Groggy Dundee said...

Stine seems like a nice enough guy from the interviews I've seen/read of him. It would be cool to meet him in person.

Dagorahn and Trunix said...

I don't know what's sadder, the possibility that Troy's not approving comments anymore, or the possibility that no one comments anymore.

Anonymous said...

honestly I'm a fan of Help! We have strange powers! except for the kid who warps time

Brodie said...

I... think it may be time to cut our losses, sadly.

Anonymous said...

Has it been very soon?

Keep this up and you'll update as often as Amy Whinehouse gets her period.

Elizabeth said...

Is it still possible that Troy will do the "Ghosts of Fear Street" series (it was mentioned in a comment for one of the entries, I don't remember which)?

troy steele said...

True believers, your faith will be rewarded soon

Dagorahn and Trunix said...

What a tease...the 7 looked very much like a one, I almost glazed over the changed total.

MAY WE BE REWARDED!!!!

Anonymous said...

I just woke up my roommate to tell him the good news. I can't wait!

-Brian

Anonymous said...

Nice, looking foward to it

Anonymous said...

I'm the roommate that Brian woke up! I can't wait, either!

-Matt

Scarynow said...

"True believers, your faith will be rewarded SOON"
The Square root of "soon" is never

Anonymous said...

I still think it broke him.

This means it's worse than Chicken Chicken, The Legend of the Lost Legend, Egg Monsters from Mars, and Don't Go To Sleep stuck together with duct tape.

Candy Kane said...

"True believers, your faith will be rewarded SOON"
The Square root of "soon" is never

Reply: Truer words were never spoken. If anyone needs me, I'll be doing my own Goosebumps-bashing blog (and it'll be funnier than this trainwreck).

A Tool said...

"The Square root of "soon" is never

Reply: Truer words were never spoken. If anyone needs me, I'll be doing my own Goosebumps-bashing blog (and it'll be funnier than this trainwreck)."

Anyone who thinks that cheesy statement qualifies as something to agree with shouldn't bother trying to one-up ANYONE in terms of writing. Of course you were the one who came up with a billion unnecessary OoC alerts before, alerts you apparently believed were the crux of the humor of this blog even though they totally weren't, so it's natural that you would be deluded to believe you've got what it takes.

Anonymous said...

There better be Susan Boyle references in the blog from now on.

Anonymous said...

#123 (I think) Anon: I remember "Be Afraid - Be Very Afraid!" I don't remember it being... inherently awful, but it's not really a Goosebumps book. What's really terrible about it is a certain "plot device" - you'll know it when you see it. And I can see how that plot device could destroy a man's soul.

forgotten sin said...

Reply: Truer words were never spoken. If anyone needs me, I'll be doing my own Goosebumps-bashing blog (and it'll be funnier than this trainwreck).With Blackjack, and Hookers?

Anonymous said...

Yeah, but forget the goosebumps blog. And the blackjack. Ah, screw the whole thing.

Groggy Dundee said...

Help! We Have Strange Powers! has perhaps the greatest out of context alert ever:

"Unh! Unh! Unh! My brother was really into it."

Dagorahn and Trunix said...

Oh heavens no.

Anonymous said...

...My copy of H!WHSP! had better arrive soon. I think I can guess the context of that, but sometimes these are all too suspicious.

Brodie said...

Man this is hilarious.

Dagorahn and Trunix said...

Hell to the eff yeah

Anonymous said...

Eh, I'm fans of things that have been on hiatus longer. Like, years. ...And, okay, aren't back yet, but...

Also, did anyone else think Troy was off again and that's why there were no new posts, when in fact nobody was posting?

troy steele said...

I'm just waiting for expectations to get a little bit lower before updating

Zak said...

So you're teasing us... never saw that side of you.

But lets think about the logic here. I think for most people, the fact that you just posted brought people's expectations higher, cause they know now that you still exist and made an implication of updating. So therefore, they'd be lying if they pretended not to expect, and if they're smart, they know you'd know they're lying. And therefore, their expectations would actually be lower because to them in your mind they'd be higher.
Then again, if they are actually lower, they might know you know and think that, but I doubt that will happen.

Therefore, I think we should get an update soon. OH WAI--

Anonymous said...

If he really wanted to tease us, he'd post a sentence from the review. It would later turn out to be entirely fabricated.

forgotten sin said...

I'm getting the terrible feeling that Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid, the Duke Nukem Forever of Goosebumps reviews. We're being teased of it's eventual coming, but we still get jack squat.

Brodie said...

I don't know after waiting this long for the review, I'm enjoying just reading the comments that freaked out. Unfortunately they seem to have slowed down.

Anonymous said...

Amazon just dispatched me Goosebumps HorrorLand #10 before #9... which they insist doesn't come out for another few weeks. Morons.

Anonymous said...

This blog is never going to update, is it? D:

Anon e Mouse Jr. said...

So, Troy... have you bought any of the books for HorrorLand yet? I now have 20 of the 25 (including the reissues) announced at this time.

Still to come: "Escape From HorrorLand", "Streets of Panic Park", "Welcome to HorrorLand: A Survival Guide" and the reissues of "The Werewolf of Fever Swamp" and "A Night in Terror Tower".

Until next time...

Anon e Mouse Jr.

Anonymous said...

I think you've single handedly driven up sales of this book. Cause yesterday in Walmart I saw a guy buy it, and I go. "Hey your kid into goosebumps?" and he said "no this book killed my favorite website."

Great escaper said...

*Re-emerges from the past, 2 months ago exact* Ok... *looks around* Damn still no update *Power's up flux capacitor and accelerates to 88MPH*

Hapi said...

hello... hapi blogging... have a nice day! just visiting here....

troy steele said...

I am writing the update RIGHT NOW and there is a Tim Conway joke in it, which should certainly alleviate any worries that I've lost touch with my readers' interests during the hiatus

Anonymous said...

Will the update literally have fragments written across several months? Will it be, at once, a review of the new worst Goosebumps book, and a diary?

My own progress with HorrorLand is slower, as the releases are each pushed back a month or so here. #11 comes out July, and #12 in September. I didn't think either #9 or #10 were that bad - #9 the better of the two - although they could both have done with being longer. #10 has a pretty rockin' ending to make up for it.

THIS IS SPARTA! said...

Welcome to Camp Slither was pretty good,but not as good as #7. The Horrorland section was great.

Dagorahn and Trunix said...

Three cheers for the update supposedly being written right now as we speak. Stress alleviation, here I come.

Anonymous said...

I see what Troy is doing. He knows that we are addicted to his unique brand of comedy and has taken it upon himself, bless his soul, to break our fix. Mission accomplished, Troy! (We just want the blog back)

Anonymous said...

TIS, I wasn't very impressed by #7, myself. I think I'd have preferred the original plot - a teaser synopsis from way back said it would feature an "evil curse." (Then again, a teaser synopsis for #4 said it would have a whole house full of haunted masks, but no way would I trade that for what we got.) As for the HorrorLand segments, they're definitely getting better now that the plot is actually emerging.

To ensure that this stays somehow on-topic, I'm interested to see how Troy takes the HorrorLand books. Overall I don't think they repeat the worst excesses of Goosebumps - there's nothing as bad as Chicken Chicken or even Be Afraid Be Very Afraid - but some of the sillier ones I suspect will strain his patience.

morbidiculous said...

It's good to hear about the glorious rise from the ashes of Blogger Beware! And a tenuous link to McHale's Navy is always welcome, no matter how tenuous! :o

Incidentally, in the interests of all of those people who said "that's a reference to something and I don't understand it whaddaya mean by doin' that ya stinkin' cheesehead", I wrote a short reference list for Blogger Beware. I've put off showing it for a while, but seeing as how it might be the beginning of a whole new era of Blogger Beware - WHY NOT. >:(

Not a reference guide, but an incredible simulation!

http://www.filehosting.org/file/details/33891/Blogger_Beware_Reference_Guide.doc

morbidiculous said...

I'll be sure to do that, pretty soon!

Incidentally, if anybody actually took the time to download and read it, I just noticed that I forgot to explain the Queen Latifah and Good Will Hunting blackboard problem solving references in #12, Brain Juice! Use your incredible mental abilities to fill in this missile gap!

Anonymous said...

I was half-expecting Troy to finally update on May 11 (two months after an update was promised) or May 17 (five months since the last update).

Anonymous said...

Um... It's been a while hasn't it... Hmmm... I'VE TRIED HITTING THE FUCKIN REFRESH BUTTON A MILLION GODDAM TIMES! I apologize Troy, everybody, I needed to get that out of my system.

spysweepk said...

come on troy u siad u were posting but never posted it i have to have a blogger beware fix i'm starting to get the shakes the old stuff isn't working as well anymore!

Groggy Dundee said...

I'll believe it when I read it, Troy.

Anonymous said...

please.
please.
please.
please update.

Commander Melander said...

Hey Troy, I know people are asking you to do Twilight and Give Yourself Goosebumps and all that, but believe it or not, there are a couple other ghastly series by Stine. Dangerous Girls and DG 2 are rotten. Rotten School is chocked full of stupid jokes that would be funny to a preschooler who still shits his pants. And then there is a horrible series, the most rotten, stupid, and ghastly of them all... Mostly Ghostly, which Stine somehow never finished, probably due to lack of sales. Seriously, I bought the first one for $7 and found out I raised the series' profits by 112%. BTW, your bashing of Stine's horrifying (though probably not in the way he intended) writing reminds of the mocking of horrid movies in one of the greatest TV shows of all time, Mystery Science Theater 3000! Also, update.

drew said...

What's going on? You were writing it, it's been a week. AHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Troy man c'mon wtf

Commander Melander said...

I'm sad. I need my Blogger Beware fix.

Commander Melander said...

So, what is this. It's like you were writing it... and then you get stuck halfway. I'm starting to agree with the Duke Nukem analogy even though I despise Duke Nukem and all he represents. Go watch Army of Darkness (starring Bruce Campbell) and you'll see what I'm talking about.

mk said...

Maybe he's waiting until he hits 200 comments. I've come out of the woodwork to help get to that goal!

Anonymous said...

Bad luck, Troy. On Wikipedia we've dug up the existence of a further HorrorLand mini-series of seven books that'll start coming out next year. Will your job never be done?

Anon e Mouse Jr. said...

We've discovered new info. Next January, the Goosebumps HorrorLand series begins a new story arc lasting seven books. In these books, visitors to HorrorLand win a free gift from the gift shop known as the Chiller House. They take home a special souvenir and a miniature Horror. At home, the kids experience wild things with their ''free'' gift, while the glowing, menacing Horror keeps an eye on the fun. And when the time comes for them to pay for this item, the Horror takes them back to shopkeeper Jonathan Chiller.

We're also getting more reissues with them. Books 1 and 9 of the original series have already been announced, along with the titles of books 1 and 2 of this new arc. See the Goosebumps HorrorLand talk page on Wikipedia for more.

Until next time...

Anon e Mouse Jr.

Sesh said...

I've gone to delete your blog from my bookmarks a couple dozen times by now, and every time I stop and click it instead, thinking maybe... just maybe! it's been updated.

Gdit, man. Why did you make your blog so addicting?

Commander Melander said...

Anon E. Mouse, I can't find the page you're talking about. Can you post a link for me?

Anon e Mouse Jr. said...

Commander Melander: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talk:Goosebumps_HorrorLand

The links, giving a description of the first book and a description of the overall story arc, are in the last section ("When the Ghost Dog Howls").

Until next time...

Anon e Mouse Jr.

Commander Melander said...

THX!!!!! Also, Anon. E. Mouse, I remember you mentioning a Goosebumps teen drama? Can you tell me more about it? Don't mean to always ask you but you always seem to be the one to ask.

Anon e Mouse Jr. said...

Commander Melander: the "Teen drama" thing is one of my own projects, rather than anything official. Coming up with story ideas is one of my hobbies, and one of these ideas involved turning the Goosebumps series into a hour-long teen drama. (There's an article on Wikipedia on the subject of "Teen drama", so I won't go into depth on it here.) I doubt it'll ever get made, but you never know. Maybe someone from Scholastic is reading this blog and will be interested.

The idea is that a few years before the series takes place, our heroes had a terrifying adventure. Now, circumstances have brought them back together, and as fate would have it, terrifying adventures seem to be finding them again, some affecting them directly and others happening (or having long since happened) to other characters that they meet at various times. Their adventures are largely based on the classic series, but over the course of at least seven seasons (with 22 episodes per season), there will probably be a few from Goosebumps 2000, a few based on some of the short stories and maybe even an arc based on one of his other works. (NOT anything related to Fear Street though.) Anything is possible.

Right now, the series exists only as a general description of the series, including some specific plot info that will come into play over the course of things, a couple of episode plots per season, and a few character profiles for the lead roles. But if this post gets noticed by someone who's interested in making the contents of my imagination a reality, they are certainly welcome to contact me.

Until next time...

Anon e Mouse Jr.

Commander Melander said...

Cool! I also have an idea for a show, though it is not a drama and has nothing to do with Goosebumps. The basic plot is that there's an evil cult that's hell-bent on raising the Seven Children of Lucifer and create hell-on-earth. Then there's our five main characters who start out as freshmen and slowly advance one year per season. There's some serious element about it, but there's also a shit-load of laughs on par with even this blog if I do say so myself. And I do! I also have a vague outline for a spin-off miniseries starring two recurring (not main!) characters. A total of eight seasons, counting the spin-off. Fortunately for me, I have some experience as an indie filmmaker and website designer, so this will probably come to fruition around 2011. Keep watch for my website, revenge-of-the-weird.com (better name coming soon!) this October. I also have an idea for an Are You Afraid of the Dark? styled anthology series interspersed with entertaining host segments. Any comments or suggestions? You can find more detailed show and character descriptions on my profile, (user-name Dokkalfar) on zombiesurvivalwiki.com. I have a thread on Zombie Playlists. Look on the bottom.

Commander Melander said...

Edit to my earlier post: The page is called my Zombie Hunting Playlist. The thread is at the bottotm of the page. The page should be under New User Sandbox. Click on Dokkalfar. Click view profile. Again, the website is zombiesurvivalwiki.com. Post comments or suggetions by sending me a message on my wetpaint account or just putting it here.

Anonymous said...

The reactionary parents of yesteryear was right. Reading Goosebumps really does lead to devil-summoning.

Anonymous said...

if you update, i will buy you four bread puddings of your choice. if you do not update, a curse upon your favorite bread pudding.

Red Rebel said...

It's not that the books themselves are addictive, it's this mfing blog!

Anon e Mouse Jr. said...

Hey Troy: since you have "Ghosts of Fear Street" listed on your set of books to review in the future, I thought you might want to know this: the original 36 books are being rereleased in a series of "2-in-1" volumes. That is, GoFS 1 and 2 are in one book (due out August 25), 3 and 4 are in the second (due out October 6), and 5 and 6 are in the third (due out January 5). Odds are they'll be releasing the entire series this way, for a total of 18 new volumes. There's no news on any new material for the series though.

Wonder if this means they'll start rereleasing all his other out-of-print books?

Until next time...

Anon e Mouse Jr.

Anonymous said...

checking your blog for updates is not good for my ocd. please update, sir.

Anonymous said...

Troy , I'm begging you update..........

Anonymous said...

WE NEED MORE!!!

Groggy Dundee said...

Fuck you troy I'm sick of you and your dumb blog that doesn't update you go to hell.

Xenomorph said...

Good God, Groggy, I almost took that seriously.
P.S. Google account screwed up. Wah.
The Alien movies aren't even in my top ten.

zen said...

Really happy to hear this one from you. Eagerly waiting to get.

Anonymous said...

scarynow the sqaure root of soon is never...
i saw that episode of phineas and ferb too

Anonymous said...

candy kane reply to soon=never how dare u FMD!!

Groggy Dundee said...

Can't believe it took me a year and a half to discover I had an impostor. I still can't decide if it's flattering or creepy.

Hyip script said...

Iam really happy to hear this one from you. Eagerly waiting to get.