Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Series 2000 #20 Be Afraid-- Be Very Afraid!



Series 2000 20 Be Afraid-- Be Very Afraid!

Front Tagline: There's a new beast on the block...

Brief Synopsis:
Connor Buckley and his friends are bored. So bored. The reader knows they're bored because Connor keeps saying he's bored, over and over again. Sometimes he switches it up and puts it in the present tense:
Bor-rrring.
Sometimes he gently reminds the reader of his boredom:
Did I mention we were bored?
And sometimes he tells us something we could have already guessed:
We were so bored, we were turning stupid.
Connor decides to quell his boredom by dragging his friend Emily Zinneman to neighborhood grouch Mr. Zarwid's yard sale. Costa-Gavras would be proud, as the book is a celebration of "Z"-- besides the characters' last names, the book's action also inspires more than a few ZZZZs in the reader. Hey maybe the book should have been called Z Afraid-- Z Very Afraid! Wait, no it shouldn't have, that's a horrible idea.

At the yard sale, there's nothing but a bunch of junk and tattered clothing-- Be Frayed-- Be Very Frayed! The lack of anything worth stealing doesn't stop Mr. Zarwid from accusing the children of trying to steal something. Connor decides to teach the old man a lesson for falsely accusing him of stealing by stealing something. They've stopped turning, they're there.

The pilfered item is a deck of cards-- though as anyone who has ever been to a garage sale knows, you never ever buy something that contains multiple removable parts like cards or puzzles. Though maybe there can be an exception made for stealing them? The cards are medieval themed, but less Round Table Medieval and more Empty Lunchroom Table Because All the Losers Who Would Have Sat There At the Empty Table Are Reading Those Really Thick Fantasy Novels In the Library During Lunch Period Medieval. Man, six months gone and I still got it! Yes, there are dragons and elves and other creatures competing for space in the dork deck. But wouldn't you know it, the faux-Magic deck is, um, magic.

All the trouble starts when Connor, Emily, and Kyle sit down for a game of Be Afraid. It's like any other game of cards until an excitable dwarf magically appears in their kitchen. Could have been worse, it could have been an excitable Dorf:



As more cards get played, more terrible things happen. Drawing a Knight card produces a group of havoc-wreaking knights... in their neighbor's yard. So, really just a mild inconvenience for the players at that point. In a terrifying scene lifted directly from the very similarly-themed Robin Williams film, one of the kids draws the dreaded Enema Bulb As Clown Nose card. Before more fantastical hijinks can occur, Connor's parents come home and start needling him about the damage done to the house next door. Connor decides not to tell his folks about who caused the mess, though as big Hoosiers fans, surely his parents would have believed a story about an angry Knight.

Mr. Zarwid shows up in a Gorton's fisherman jacket and tells Conner he knows what he did last summer: Not steal his deck of cards, because he saw Connor steal his deck of cards just yesterday. Connor denies it and I'm sure that's the last we'll see of that gruff neighbor!

That night Connor has a dream involving the card game. Like all dreams in Goosebumps books, it is so retarded that it would literally break the internet were I to summarize it. I think someone turned into a dragon or something. That's as close as I'm willing to get. The next morning Connor finds "hundreds" of muddy footprints all over his room, which even within the already tenuous logic created within the world of this book makes no sense and is never mentioned again.

Connor comes down to the kitchen the next morning to find his friends waiting for him. He may have missed out on breakfast but he still manages to waffle when he discovers his pals want to continue the dangerous card game. He tries reminding them about how knights destroyed his neighbor's house but they chalk that up to a coincidence. At no point is the excitable dwarf brought up. Those of you who are concerned about whether or not these characters will continue playing a card game can rest easy as the kids keep flipping over cards, inadvertently summoning a dragon outside. The dragon smashes some cars and tosses back a few knights the kids somehow send in to handle the situation. As things look their direst, Conner gets a brilliant idea: He'll just put all the cards back into the deck. Finally, a horror novel willing to tackle the terror of 52 Pickup.

Once the dragon disappears, the kids swear off playing mythical-creature-conjuring games for good. Connor proclaims that he'll only play Go Fish from that point on. Although, based on how Zarwid was dressed, maybe Connor's already in the middle of a magical version of that card game too. The children decide to give the deck back to Mr. Zarwid. However, around this point they also decide to look at the deck again and subsequently discover that Mr. Zarwid too has a card. He's dressed as a wizard and one of the trio realizes, "Hey, 'Zarwid' is an anagram for 'wizard.'" Wait, does that mean "Drab Barf Aid? Aye, If Ever!" is the real title we're supposed to take away from this book? Connor keeps the card in his shirt pocket in case he ever has to stop a really really really really really really really really weak really bullet.

On the way over to Mr. Zarwid's house the next morning, the kids pass his unopened newspaper in the driveway. Now, I understand why the paper is unopened: The guy's a wizard. He can probably summon the news on his own. But why is he subscribing to a newspaper that he doesn't have to read? ***SPOILER ALERT*** I guess the reason newspapers are floundering all over the country is because all the wizards have already been murdered by plucky child bandits.

The house seems empty, so of course the children break into it and then subsequently appear shocked when Mr. Zarwid interrupts their B+Eing by being mildly annoyed at their trespassing. Instead of embracing the kids for their assorted crimes, Mr. Zarwid throws their cards at the children and transports them into the magical world of Fake Medieval Times. Nary a serving wench is in sight, but plenty of made up things are around them in the dark, made-up world. The kids are very upset at being thrown into another world, but I don't know why they're surprised by their tormentor's actions. I mean, I always knew Mr. Wizard had something malevolent going on:



The kids walk around and discover a whole new world, a new fantastic point of view. No one to tell them no, or where to go, or say they're only dreaming (Although...). But after an exciting action sequence involving hay, they do meet up some creatures called Jekels who want to eat them. Now, it's been a long time since I was in sixth grade, but I don't recall being taught anything about cannibalistic creatures that don't exist. However, Kyle keeps chiming in with facts about their new mythical overlords. So the reader gets bon mots like "Jekels always kill their food before they eat it"-- which admittedly sounds like common sense for creatures both real and imagined, but still. The Jekels ask the kids if they are sorcerers, and Connor corrects them-- They're not sorcerers, they've been conjured into the Jekel's world by a sorcerer. A, this answer doesn't go over very well with the Jekels and B, can you by this point see why it took so damn long for me to actually bother reading this thing?

The Jekels serve up a steaming hot cup o' poison to Connor as a test. If he drinks the poison and dies, he's telling the truth about being a "kid." If he floats, he's a witch. Before Connor can be poisoned, a dragon shows up and distracts the Jekels. The cup of poison is jostled away from Connor's mouth. Connor licks his lips afterwards, begging the question: Why would anyone ever lick their lips after narrowly avoiding a poisoning?

The kids make their escape and run through a cornfield. I know what you're thinking to yourself: "How am I supposed to suspend belief long enough to accept that someone who looks like Olivia Wilde would ever go through the work of becoming a doctor?" But you might also be thinking: "Why are there cornfields in made-up medieval land?" And the answer to at least one of these thoughts is, there aren't fields of corn stalks. No, there are fields of Stelks.

Stelks.

Creatures called Stelks.
Who look like stalks.
And are well-known by Kyle.

Stelks.

If you, like me, think this would be a good time to stop reading the book, I have good news for you: The book ends here. Sort of. See, and this is what some of you were warning me against, on page 86 (Which is too clever to have been intentional) the story grinds to a halt with the following bolded text:
YOU FINISH THE STORY.
And now the book gets really half-assedly meta as the reader is introduced to another male-female platonic duo, Mark and Amy. Mark has just read the first 86 pages we read and is very upset at being forced to use his imagination. In what might be the single stupidest moment in the history of literature, Mark discovers an entire pack of cards hidden behind the back flap of the book's dust jacket. "Stelks" sounds pretty damn clever now, doesn't it?

Amy and Mark decide to play the card game he just read about. To the surprise of (God willing) no one, these two are also transported into the made-up medieval world. They get caught in a net and are almost shoved into an oven until Mark grabs one of their aggressor's dogs and threatens to throw it into the fire. Man, now that's what I call a frankfurter! These kids escape and meet up with the other kids Mark had previously only read about. Mark mournfully laments the fact that he wasn't reading any other book.

A massive group of mythical beasts start chasing the quintet of kids and the children eventually find themselves led on a death march towards a steep cliff. As they near the end of their journey, Mark remembers reading about how Connor put the Wizard card in his pocket. Since they can't put the cards back in the deck to take them home, maybe they can break the spell and beat the wizard by destroying his card. Um, don't they realize that nobody beats the Wiz?

Before Mark can destroy the card, it gets picked up in a gust and goes over the edge of the cliff. Mark naturally dives in after the card and somehow falls faster than the object that was dropped from the same height. Did RL Stine really forget the only science lesson anyone even remembers from elementary school? Wait, don't answer, because...
YOU FINISH THE STORY.
But the Finish is:
Yes, a third platonic duo is introduced. Ross is upset that the book he just read didn't have an ending. His friend Brenda suggests he just take it back to the garage sale where he bought it. Ross does exactly that and Mr. Wardiz offers to trade him a deck of cards for the incomplete book as an exchange.
LET ME FINISH THE STORY.
Ross goggled at the deck of cards and suddenly remembered he was in an RL Stine book.
"Why couldn't you have put me in one of the Monster Bloods so I could hang out with Andy," he asked the sky.
RL Stine suddenly appeared from behind a parted cloud. He rode down from the heavens on a gilded yacht, his vessel steered by eight werewolves and one dog who it turns out used to be a child or something. The author's vehicle hovered over the small boy, who let out a cry of shock.
"Why are you so scared of me," the author asked his creation, "I haven't even provided this encounter with my requisite twist ending yet. Are you merely anticipating the thrills and chills my next book will contain?"
"Oh you have another book coming out? There's a shocker."
RL Stine grinned a grinning grin, as he did not understand jokes made at his expense. "Yes, and one day my number one fan Troy Steele will give it the proper cultural context it deserves!"
"So... what's your next book about," Ross asked.
"Oh I don't know, it's not due at my editor's until Thursday."
"But today is Tuesday."
"I know, Frasier's on later."
"But two days? How can that possibly be enough time to come up with your next book?"
"What happened to that cowering in terror thing you had going on," RL Stine asked. "That was a lot better than this question stuff."
"I'm just saying th--"
"YOU'RE REALLY A VAMPIRE BAT AND THE WORLD IS ACTUALLY A CAVE AND THE SUN IS A SUN CAVE."

But the Twist is:
And then the cave wash cost five dollars.

the Platonic Boy-Girl Relationships:
tl;dr

Questionable Parenting:
Connor's parents are so concerned with whether or not Connor heard the destruction next door that they forget to offer any help to their stricken neighbors.

Inherit the Wind Alert:
The children suspect that the caged monkey kept by Mr. Zarwid was at one point a human being, but Zarwid insists that the monkey was always a monkey. So, what is that exactly, Reverse Evolution?

RL Stine Shows He is Down With the Kids:
In the grand tradition of video games and gardening, card games can finally take their rightful place in the pantheon of horror.

Stelks:
Stelks

Memorable Cliffhanger Chapter Ending:
Hall of Fame Cliffhanger Chapter Ending:
Ch. 2/3:
Kyle freaks out because something is horribly wrong. Only... gotcha! That's it, he just says "Gotcha!"

Great Prose Alert:
The Krel has called together an army of two thousand elf fishermen.

Conclusions:
Finally, a Goosebumps book for those who found Legend of the Lost Legend too cerebral.

433 comments:

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Groggy Dundee said...

Hey, who else is dumb enough to fall for a witch's cursed candy but illiterates?

I seem to recall that being a plot point in Pumpkin Juice as well. I guess Stine figured no one had read that goddawful story collection and could just recycle his plots wholesale.

Commander Melander said...

You can trust me because I'm the one who writes in complete, grammatically correct sentences, and the other one does not. Plus, I'm the one who protested, aren't I?
I already knew what Little Shop of Hamsters was, thank you very much. So, I don't know, quit arguing something with no point, I guess.

Commander Melander said...

You can trust me because I'm the one who writes in complete, grammatically correct sentences, and the other one does not. Plus, I'm the one who protested, aren't I?
I already knew what Little Shop of Hamsters was, thank you very much. So, I don't know, quit arguing something with no point, I guess.

Elizabeth said...

Troy, have you read R.L. Stine's adult novel, "Superstitious"? I know you probably won't review it here because this is a "family website".

Alison said...

Love this blog! R.L. Stine is such a hack. Even when I was 12 years old I knew it. I always thought Christopher Pike was a million times better. At least Pike didn't feel the need to end every chapter with, "Oh no! There's a terrible scary beast outside my window!" and then start the next chapter with, "Oh no there isn't, it's just my little brother playing a prank."

Anonymous said...

Oh wow, we're actually onto a second page of comments. Amazing work, all.

"When the Ghost Dog Howls" actually sounds like a good title, possibly because it reminds me of "The Scream of the Haunted Mask," which I enjoyed. But "Little Shop of Hamsters"? If it weren't for the fact that R.L.'s said he's coming up with books based on title ideas now, I'd worry that he'd given up on even pretending to be scary.

Also, I would totally go for a Scarecrow Walks At Midnight sequel. With or without fascism.

Anonymous said...

Post-script: I just remembered that When The Ghost Dog Howls is about werewolves, so its suckage is guaranteed. That makes the new HorrorLand sub-series 2/2 for scary animals so far. I guess that is, in its own way, somewhat scary.

Elizabeth said...

I don't think every story about werewolves is necessarily bad. I liked Werewolf Of Fever Swamp; I think it was the first Goosebumps book I ever read. But maybe I'm saying this because wolves are some of my favorite animals.

Commander Melander said...

The first Goosebumps books I ever read was Be Careful What You Wish For...
I thought that every other book would be just as good.
I was severely disappointed.

Elizabeth said...

I actually haven't read "Be Careful What You Wish For" itself (just Troy's review), but I think I saw part of the TV show episode once. There was some magic genie toy booth that Sam talked to.

Commander Melander said...

That might have been an episode of the Nightmare Room, I'm not entirely sure. I remember one episode where they went to a fair and this kid was supposed to bring evil to everyone.

Groggy Dundee said...

My family was cleaning out our garage today and underneath all the baby clothes and rat droppings we found a bunch of my old Goosebumps books! Threw out some that we have other copies of but did find Let's Get Invisible, The Girl Who Cried Monster and The Curse of the Mummy's Tomb.

Commander Melander said...

Kewl. I own pet rats. Did you know that a Brand-New condition copy of Monster Blood 4 on Amazon.com is worth $112!? Are they snorting maple syrup??

Groggy Dundee said...

That deserves a What. I think I have a copy of that one somewhere in my closet.

Commander Melander said...

RULES FOR MONSTER BLOOD 4:
1. Don't read it.
2. If at all possible, burn it.
3. Actually, for liability purposes, don't burn it. Just don't read it.
4. Don't get them wet.
5. Don't feed them after midnight.
6: Never let them be exposed to bright light.

Anon e Mouse Jr. said...

"That deserves a What. I think I have a copy of that one somewhere in my closet."

Lucky you... that one happens to be one of the ones I never got a copy of. And dagnabbit, I WANT a copy of that one, if only so I can have all four of them.

(That, and it might hold the answer to the question I posted in that book's entry some time in June of '08: did they ever tell us Andy or Kermit's last names in that book? And if so, what are they?)

Until next time...

Anon e Mouse Jr.

Commander Melander said...

I think I once read that Andy's last name is Hermich... that might be Internet propaganda though.

Kermit's last name is Ross, I'm pretty sure. Did they say that Kermit's mom is Evan' mom's sister, or Evan's Dad's sister? I haven't read it for a while and I'm too lazy to dig it up from the portal to hell that is my closet.

Anonymous said...

I might still have Goosebumps books bundled away in a box in my attic... but it's far too frightening a prospect to go and recover them. Those dark tomes of evil were sealed away for good reason!

Anonymous said...

In 'Little Shop of Hamsters' is there gonna be hamsters singing or what?

Hi said...

"Kewl"

Let me guess your the imposter.

Elizabeth said...

If Groggy Dundee found books covered in rat droppings, then I guess that the rats didn't like "The Curse of the Mummy's Tomb" much more than Troy did?

Speaking of that, I was reading the first Mummy entry again. I believe that something similar to the part about the Arabic Frosted Flakes box is also in the "Give Yourself Goosebumps" book called "The Diary of a Mad Mummy", but maybe I'm remembering wrong.

(*Spoiler* I'm pretty sure that GYG book also has one ending where it turns out that the whole ordeal was a test to see if you, the character, were good enough to become some kind of secret agent. It reminds me of "Welcome to Camp Nightmare".)

Groggy Dundee said...

I still read those of my old Goosebumps books that I have, but they're all over the house. I need to get them together in one place for convenience purposes.

My collection can be divided into the following categories:

- Books purchased for me by parents/others when I was a kid
- A bunch of books I got from one of my English teachers in high school
- Books I have bought myself as an adult (my parents bought me several for Christmas though)

I haven't counted how many I have but I think at least two-thirds of the original series and twelve Series 2000 ones (most which have apparently been lost though), the first Triple Header, two Horrorland books, two Give Yourself Goosebumps (which I threw out yesterday due to being in bad shape) and four short story collections.

Xenomorph said...

Kewl is just cool with a twang. It's like saying cool with a British accent. I'm not the imposter. I am Commander Melander, but now, because of that idiot, I shall now be posting under a new screen name.

Groggy Dundee said...

I should also note as a PS that we also found several Goosebumps trading cards (!) and a notebook adorned with Cuddles the Hamster (!!) yesterday too. And The Blob That Ate Everyone turned up today though it's in pretty moldy shape.

In re Monster Blood, Andy was never given a last name in the books. I've read the first three recently and remember the fourth well-enough (unfortunately) so I feel safe in that conclusion.

Anon e Mouse Jr. said...

"I still read those of my old Goosebumps books that I have, but they're all over the house. I need to get them together in one place for convenience purposes."

I've always kept mine together... mostly. Right now, I have them sorted into three groups.

1. Old copies that I have since replaced with reprint editions or Special Editions because they were worn out (which are kept stored somewhere else).

2. The main part of my collection, which consists of the original twelve GBHLs, the ten Special Edition reprints that were released with them, and all but books 32, 34, 35, 36, 38, 41, 42, 47, 60, 61 and 62 of the original series. Everything from book 31 and beyond is a mix of the reprint editions that were released during the '03-'07 run and two Special Editions, and books 1-30 are a mix of original editions, reprint editions and Special Editions. (I'm still kicking myself for not buying the first seven on that list that I DON'T own when they were out. The other four were never reprinted.)

3. My four "oversized books", consisting of the three "GB Graphix" books and "30 Tales to Give You Goosebumps" (a hardcover omnibus edition of the first three TtGYG books) that I keep with all my other books of a similar size.

I'm still hoping GB HorrorLand will run long enough for as many of the original 62 as possible to be reprinted. (Right now, there's just nineteen that we know of, and we have no clue what the last seven will be, just that they will exist.)

Until next time...

Anon e Mouse Jr.

Xenomorph said...

My collection can be divided into:
1. Classics, I own 1-62
2. The first five TTGYGB
3. GYGB, number one, number five, number six, number eleven, number fourteen, and number nineteen
4. GYGB special editions, I own the first three
5. Goosebumps series 2000, I own 1-14
6. I have the entire TV series on tape
7. Goosebumps Re-Prints, I own Night of the Living Dummy, Deep Trouble, Monster Blood, The Haunted Mask, Curse of the Mummy's Tomb, Be Careful What You Wish For..., Say Cheese and Die, The Horror at Camp Jellyjam, and How I Got My Shrunken Head.
8. Goosebumps HorrorLand 1-11.
9. All three Goosebumps Graphix.
10. The Goosebumps Minis

Groggy Dundee said...

That's pretty nifty guys. I should also mention that I have the Night of the Living Dummy/Monster Blood/Campfire Collection omnibus books (didn't get the TtGYG book because I have two of the three books represented, and the third sucks).

I have (or had) 3-4 copies of the original Night of the Living Dummy, plus the Dummy collection. I just threw one out yesterday, but there are likely still multiple copies around the house.

Sadly (?) I don't have any of the TV episodes on tape, but YouTube is handy for that.

Elizabeth said...

I used to have the third GYG ("Trapped in Bat Wing Hall") and I didn't like it much. I remember one ending where your character starts craving things that bats eat, and eventually turns into a bat - who wouldn't expect that to be one of the endings? I liked "Escape from the Carnival of Horrors" and "Knight in Screaming Armor" more.

Isn't it almost time for the show to start running on Cartoon Network again? They always show it around Halloween.

Hi said...

Man t's weird to me that this page got over 200 comments while the wait for BABVA took 6 months and didn't have nearly as much comments on RTGC's page.

Hi said...

"I will now be posting under a new screen name"

I said before that the person inpersonating you probably isn't doing it because they like your name. They probably have a grudge against you or something.

Anonymous said...

Which means we've got a little less than two months until it airs again.
Oh, and also, now I don't have to go by Xenomorph anymore, now the real Commander Melander can take charge with his Google Account name! NOW you can tell which is real.

Anonymous said...

hindu bomb should be the next horrorland title

Anonymous said...

I had two Goosebumps anthologies - one of them was the one with Curly and the flashing eyes, and the other one played a haunting tune when the cover was opened. I don't remember what books they covered, though. Re: Books I used to own, I had two-thirds of the original series, most of 2000, and a smattering of the first twenty GYG. I kinda grew out of Goosebumps at that time. And now of course I'm buying up the new ones and special edition reissues like there's no tomorrow. I wonder if there'll be any more sequels in the new HorrorLand sub-series (The Haunted Mask II 2), or if it'll all be original material? For a given value of "original."

Elizabeth said...

If we had an actual message board/forum, the comments pages wouldn't have to get so long. But I'm kind of glad that we don't have one. I think a message board would have more spam and more "WHY ARE YOU MAKIN FUN OF THESE BOOKS THESE ARE KIDS BOOKS YOU ARE MEAN" comments.

(Sorry, but I'm kind of tired of the "But these are kids' books!" argument that I've seen on the comment pages for some entries. A lot of us have mentioned feeling cheated with some of the books when we read them as kids. I don't think it's okay to produce crappy or completely confusing books, just because they are for twelve-year-olds.)

troy steele said...

Plus I too was a big fan as a kid and even today I go out of my way to praise the books when they deserve it. I like to think of this blog as more of a friar's roast than anything overly negative or vicious

Anonymous said...

We are still buying them, after all. I wouldn't pass up on reading some of the other GYGs.

Groggy Dundee said...

I went to the local library today and aside from more mature stuff, they have a HUGE Goosebumps collection - including ORIGINAL printings of One Day at Horrorland and Phantom of the Auditorium (the only two original series books I've never read) in near-mint condition! How cool is that? Too bad summer's almost over so I won't be able to take full advantage of their facilities. They also seem to have some of Stine's other work too, though my limited experience with Fear Street was rather blah.

Anonymous said...

I remember liking this one as a kid, just for the parallel with Jumanji. But yeah, it's an idiot plot. Although I suspect by the last chapter Stine knew it had gone off the rails and was trying to hang a lampshade on it with Mr. Wardiz.

The one bit that I remember actually finding scary was the bit you described as "an exciting action sequence involving hay." You neglected to mention that the three are attacked by hundreds of beetles who seem to be intent on driving them out of their hiding place, even crawling up Connor's nose to make him give them away.

Hi said...

Almost 2 months now and the book was apparently the best of series 2000.

alex said...

i wonder if troy will review the goosebumps movie thats gonna be made

Groggy Dundee said...

Troy, are you getting torn apart by summer camp werewolves?

Anonymous said...

Oh, I'd forgotten that there was going to be a Goosebumps movie again. Any more news on that?

Anyway, yeah, I also am looking forward to any new updates that may appear at any point. Mainly because eventually we'll get to Slappy's Nightmare, about which I am morbidly curious.

Anonymous said...

Wait a minute...
THERE IS A MOVIE AND A MINI-SUB SERIES OF HORRORLAND!?!?!?!?!

Anonymous said...

Comment #243, it's more that HorrorLand extended for another seven books, but with their own new plotline. So it's kinda like "HorrorLand" is a sort of umbrella title not just for the various new Goosebumps books but for various plot arcs formed by those books.

As for the movie, I think last we heard they were trying to come up with a script for it. Or something. I don't know, there are lots of ways you could do a Goosebumps movie and hopefully none of them would suck as much as the stage show.

Hi said...

Oh god guys get ready for another 4 months of this.

alex said...

i hope they keep the tv shows music for the movie

Anon e Mouse Jr. said...

To Anonymous (comment #244): NOTHING could suck as much as the stage show. (Except "Chicken Chicken". They're both pretty close in that regard, though for different reasons.)

Until next time...

Anon e Mouse Jr.

Jesus S. Preston said...

It took me a month to realize there was a second page of comments.

And still no car of haunting

troy steele said...

2:1 odds say the next update will be the last short story collection, that ghost car is a long way off yet

Rob A said...

hooray I'm all caught up with your entries lol

Elizabeth said...

Were the Triple Headers and the Tales, More Tales, etc. the only short story collections? For some reason I thought there were a couple of others.

Groggy Dundee said...

That's fine Troy, just DO IT SOON.

Elizabeth said...

Troy, I want to mention R.L. Stine's adult novel, "Superstitious" again, because it was crappy.

*SPOILERS* Basically, a college professor has all the demons/spirts of superstitions living inside him, so he has to do a lot of little superstitions and rituals (like tossing salt over his shoulder) in order to keep from turning into a monster. His sister that lives with him is later revealed to be his wife, not his sister. They were trying to find a woman that he can marry and have a baby with, so that all the superstitions would leave him and live in the child instead.

troy steele said...

Elizabeth, it sounds like that novel was spoiled long before you summarized it

Anon e Mouse Jr. said...

Thought I'd posted this last night, maybe it didn't get through.

"Were the Triple Headers and the Tales, More Tales, etc. the only short story collections? For some reason I thought there were a couple of others."

The ones you named were the only ones published as Goosebumps books. Stine DID write two other anthologies that I know of though, "The Haunting Hour" and "The Nightmare Hour".

Until next time...

Anon e Mouse Jr.

Elizabeth said...

Thank you, Anon E. Mouse.

Speaking of short story collections...what was the ending of "Please Don't Feed The Bears" (I forget which collection it's in)? I read it before, but forgot what happened to the girl in it. I remember that a theme park employee in a bear costume gave her a hat with her name on it.

Anon e Mouse Jr. said...

"What was the ending of "Please Don't Feed The Bears"?"

It was in the fourth book, and there's an entry on Wikipedia for it. Here's the link:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Please_Don%27t_Feed_the_Bears

If you've read "The Cuckoo Clock of Doom", the ending is rather similar (both protagonists have the twist ending turn out in their favor).

Until next time...

Anon e Mouse Jr.

Elizabeth said...

Thank you again, Anon E. Mouse.

When I first read those books (when I was younger), I remember liking the short story called "The Space Suit Snatcher". It's a double-win for the main character at the end. (1) Her mean older sister gets taken away by aliens after bullying her. (2) It turns out that the aliens have been listening to the radio show she was broadcasting.

(If it weren't for this blog, I probably wouldn't be typing things like "It turns out that the aliens have been listening to the radio show she was broadcasting.")

Hi said...

The Most Shocking thing in the World: Troy still has readers of this blog. Seriously! LSTS is better at staying on an update shecdule than you are Steele!

troy steele said...

Good things come to those that wait

Groggy Dundee said...

Troy still has readers because he's good at what he does.

Anonymous said...

I knew my loyalty would eventually pay off.

Anonymous said...

Troy, are you aware that the Wikipedia page for "One Day at Horrorland" is a copy of your review for the book, with the jokes taken out?

troy steele said...

That happens sometimes. Can a loyal reader please revert the page back to a non-plagiarized version plz

Groggy Dundee said...

Actually it looks like most, if not all, Goosebumps pages on Wikipedia are slightly paraphrased versions of Troy reviews. I don't know who the weisenheimer is but it's not cool.

Christian said...

It looks like the mystery plagiarizer has been stealing a lot of your reviews...I'm looking at "Piano Lessons", "Deep Troubles I and II", "Literature from the Ninth Circle"-oops, I mean, "Chicken Chicken", and quite a few more. I'll do my part for the resistance and edit those summaries! Godspeed, General Troy! We're all behind you!

Anonymous said...

LSTS sucks.



I'm sorry to say this, but it's true. I decided to give it a chance, and the reviews were terrible.

Troy is better. It's just a fact.

I would rather have a late update from Troy than 5,000 on-time updates from LSTS.

Elizabeth said...

Troy, when you're done with the Goosebumps 2000 books, will you do a top five best/worst or something? I say five instead of ten because there aren't as many books as in the original series.

troy steele said...

Elizabeth, yes, that is the plan.

And thank you to the Blogger Beware Wikipedia Warriors for your tireless editing!

Groggy Dundee said...

I imagine a TOP five would be pretty hard.

Little Snarky Two Shoes is the work of chumps who wouldn't know a good joke if it bit them in the ass. It seems like an obnoxious sixth grader imitating Troy, which is really pathetic if you think about it at all.

I really hope this is the week we get a new review, be it the short story collection or the Haunted Car.

Anonymous said...

Woo-hoo, Troy has posted comments, meaning he still plans to update quite soon!
P.S. If you want proof on how undeniably bad LSTS is, read the comments on the update page immediately before this one.

Sadako said...

I was noticing a lot of the wiki articles becoming more detailed.

Anyway, hope you can update again soon! Your blog is awesome.

I don't get the hate for other Goosebumps blogs though. Some are funny, some aren't. I've been blogging some of goosebumps on one of my blogs--not the books since I feel that's pretty much been done (obviously...here!), but mostly the TV shows.

Hi said...

"Good things come to those who wait"

What are you? 60?

"Troy still has readers because he's good at the things he does"

If you mean blowing off updates I whole-heartedly agree.

Anonymous said...

Bloggers. With.

ATTITUDE.

Anon e Mouse Jr. said...

Remember when I mentioned they were reissuing the "Ghosts of Fear Street" series, with two books in one volume? Well, the first of these reissues is out, and I've read all the way through it.

And I must say, these were a lot creepier than any of the Goosebumps books I've ever read.

They're also ghostwritten (and no, that wasn't a pun - it actually listed the real authors on the copyright page, and neither of them was Stine), which probably explains WHY they were creepier than the Goosebumps books.

Needless to say, I'm going to have a hard time getting to sleep tonight after reading that book... but I'm still going to buy the next volume when it comes out in a month.

Until next time...

Anon e Mouse Jr.

Elizabeth said...

The Wikipedia page for "Ghosts Of Fear Street" also says that they are ghostwritten - not that I necessarily believe everything on the Wikipedia pages about the books, seeing how some editors there like to copy Troy's reviews.

I remember reading "Don't Ever Get Sick at Granny's" and "Night of the Werecat".

Anon e Mouse Jr. said...

"The Wikipedia page for "Ghosts Of Fear Street" also says that they are ghostwritten - not that I necessarily believe everything on the Wikipedia pages about the books, seeing how some editors there like to copy Troy's reviews."

You can believe that particular piece of information - I'm actually the one who added it earlier tonight, after I saw the copyright page and found out about it myself. (I'm also responsible for the current "table"-style layout of the Goosebumps HorrorLand page.)

Truth be told, this is the first time I've read any of the Fear Street books. And like I said before, they were creepy. Also much better quality than most of the Goosebumps books.

I'll keep on reading these 2-in-1 books as they come out, but that will most likely be the extent of my involvement with Fear Street. (Unless they start reissuing the others. Then, I might look into it.)

Until next time...

Anon e Mouse Jr.

Groggy Dundee said...

>If you mean blowing off updates I >whole-heartedly agree.

If he promised updates on a specific date and didn't deliver I'd agree. What that has to do with the quality of the posts is unclear to me.

Groggy Dundee said...

The ghostwriting issue is one which never seems to die. Stine has admitted to having some of the Fear Street books ghostwritten in interviews, but insists he did all the Goosebumps books himself. You can either take that as a) he has one of his works ghostwritten so the other very well could be, or b) he was honest in one instance, why not the other? He doesn't seem like the type who would want to grab all the credit for himself, so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt.

Elizabeth said...

Sorry, Anon E. Mouse. I meant no offense. :)

If it is going to be publicly known that Stine didn't write the "Ghosts of Fear Street" books, why didn't they just put the real writers' names on the covers? Why not put something like "based on the series from R.L. Stine"?

Anon e Mouse Jr. said...

"Sorry, Anon E. Mouse. I meant no offense. :)"

None taken. :)

"If it is going to be publicly known that Stine didn't write the "Ghosts of Fear Street" books, why didn't they just put the real writers' names on the covers? Why not put something like "based on the series from R.L. Stine"?"

The cover itself reads "R. L. Stine's Ghosts of Fear Street". Subsequently, one would assume he wrote them, seeing how they're based on his other work. However, it does not explicitly state that he wrote them on the cover. And the copyright page confirms that he did not.

Until next time...

Anon e Mouse Jr.

bob said...

Am I the only one who likes Little Snarky Two Shoes?

Groggy Dundee said...

I'm going back to school in two days and I'm still waiting for the update. Is it taking you a long time to read the stories or just to write it?

Zak said...

I predict the ten short stories to come before September... seeing as it's the summer one and all.

Elizabeth said...

Troy, I have a question for you, but also for other people here if they have blogs. I'm thinking of doing a young adult/adult book reviews blog, mostly with mystery/horror books. I know there are some already, but I want to do it because I think it would be fun for me. I'm not going to try to be "snarky" though.

Anyway, what I'm wondering is, can you just find a picture of a book's cover on Google, or scan it yourself, without violating any kind of copyrights? Where do you get your pics of book covers from?

(I won't do Goosebumps books, of course.)

Elizabeth said...

Troy, I hope my question about the book covers didn't sound sarcastic. I'm just wondering where to get them. I apologize if it sounded that way.

Groggy Dundee said...

I have a movie blog and I just blatantly steal pictures I find via Google for my reviews (save a few self-created screencaps). If anyone has a problem with it I haven't heard from them yet. I think Troy scans his book pictures though.

troy steele said...

Elizabeth, no worries. Using and commenting on a book cover in a comedic review is considered "fair use." As for finding the pics, try looking at Amazon-- sometimes I'd find a decent sized picture of the original covers (I only review the original copies, not either generation of the reprints, FYI). I only scan as a last resort. Before I got a scanner, I just took a picture of the cover if I couldn't find a decent-sized picture via Google Image Search (and you can tell which ones, haha). As a sidenote, GISing Goosebumps is now how a whole lot of people find out about this blog

Elizabeth said...

Thank you, Troy and Groggy.

Hi said...

"What that has to do with the qaulity of posts is unclear to me"

I didn't say anything about that, or are you not talking to me?

Oh yeah and nameless guy who said something about little snarky two shoes sucking, no one asked you about your opinion of the site. I compared abilities to keep up with weekly update schedules.

Bob, I too like LSTS and don't really get why people hate it.

Anonymous said...

"Hi" - no one asked you about your opinions on anything, either. So the nameless guy (who isn't the same Anonymous as me) is allowed to share is opinion as much as you are yours. If you liked LSTS so much, why don't you stop coming to this site and just go to that one?

Sandie Sandwicheadman said...

ITT: Goosebumps revews on the internet are SERIOUS BUSINESS.

Anonymous said...

ITT: All four fans of Little Snarky Two Shoes come to its defense

Hi said...

Ok second guy who doesn't even have a name. LSTS does not always do goosebumps reviews and is only doing like 15 or so. While they are funny I can't count on her (The person who runs it is a girl) to give me humorous reviews of all goosebumps books. I like this blog a lot too but feel sort of betrayed how Troy makes his fans who are counting on him to provide humorous reviews of goosebumps books. Oh and somehow Troy has time to approve our comments but doesn't have 10 minutes to write a review of a book he's already read? hmmmmmm.....

troy steele said...

Well, my updates can't be shat out in ten minutes with a barrage of "OMFG"s, "Sally is wearing an ugly sweater. Hahaha, what a stupid bitch"s, and "Sally eats breakfast. OMGAWWWWDDDD! Remember that movie The Breakfast Club? ROFL"s

Elizabeth said...

"Ha! I got your hat! Take that, hatless! Now go back to the quad and resume your hackey-sack tourney! I'm not going to lie down for some frat boy bastard with his damn Teva sandals and his Skoal Bandits and his Abercrombie and Fitch long-sleeve open-stitched crew-neck henley, smoking his sticky buds out of a soda can while watching his favorite downloaded Simpsons episodes every night! Yes, we all love Mr. Plow - oh, you've got the song memorized, do you? So does everyone else! That is exactly the kind of idiot you see at Taco Bell at one in the morning - the guy who just whiffed his way down the bar-skank ladder."

- Stewie Griffin (Family Guy)

(I'm just trying to help us get to 300 comments!)

Anonymous said...

LSTS is OK but Blogger Beware is teh awesome.

but I would rather a Rushed,crappy Review of a book then no reivew at all.

Grey Seal said...

Message for Hi:

Honestly, it's fine if you like LSTS, but no one here wants to hear you bash on Blogger Beware.

The people who were criticizing LSTS were doing so (in part) to show support for Troy (who you bashed in a previous by comparing to LSTS).

As far as I know, the loyal Blogger Beware readers aren't going onto LSTS's site and saying nasty things there.

If people were criticizing LSTS on her own site, I would be the first to admit that that's pretty bitchy.

Most people who visit this site don't want to hear you bash on it, and you wouldn't want to visit LSTS and hear people saying things like, "Wow this sucks!"

Instead of coming here, and complaining about the lack of updates, why don't you just go to LSTS and write things like, "I really appreciate your on-time updates. You're so much better than that lazy Troy Steele."

Groggy Dundee said...

LSTS herself seems to like Troy's blog, if a few of her comments are to be believed. At the very least she ain't trolling here, but her fans aren't exactly doing her a service by make a nuisance of themselves.

Anonymous said...

Let's see if we can make it to three pages of comments!!!!

Anonymous said...

Only another ninety-nine or so to go!

Anonymous said...

Exactly ninety-eight comments until we get to the new page off comments, assuming mine is the newest approved after comment #301.
By the way, the reason I don't like LSTS is because her reviews are basically just five seconds of reading, if you can call it reading, with the million blatant misspellings and endless boring Internet slang that only people who spend the entire day on the net and have no social lives would know. Plus, you know, like many people said, her jokes are TRYING to be funny. If I had a nickel for every time I actually laughed OUT LOUD (not in my head) at Blogger Beware, I'd be filthy rich. If the same went for LSTS, I'd be fucking destitute.

Anonymous said...

Query. Does anyone else here practically never laugh out loud, and particularly not at written jokes? I mostly laugh at visual things, but even then it's very rare. I wonder if I'm missing out.

Xenomorph said...

Maybe humor-wise you're just very hard to impress, Anon #3.654,987.

Anonymous said...

cccccccoooommmmmmeee ooooooooonnnnnnn ttttttrrrrrooooooyyyyy, it's been a long while since your last entry and just as long since the last time you said there would be an update soon. school started now so homework should still be easy, so shift yourself and dope out some blogs!!!!
love you ;) hahahaha

Zak said...

So August is over... c'mon Troy, don't you think it'd be disappointing if the short summer stories didn't return until after we've all gone back to school? ;)

Elizabeth said...

I've already started the fall semester and am feeling a little frustrated with a couple of classes. I would like to have an update to read. :)

Anon e Mouse Jr. said...

I've rechecked my calculations, and with the addition of six retrospectives and three additional "Nightmare Room" books... we're up to 140 entries still to go on this blog. (Admittedly, eight of them are for books that haven't been published yet, and two more are the associated "Retrospective" posts.)

And I'm still looking forward to them all. (Hint hint.)

Until next time...

Anon e Mouse Jr.

Anonymous said...

I'd have thought that nothing was more likely to dissuade Troy from continuing than the prospect of a hundred and forty more entries.

Susie Snowflake said...

Troy, dearie, update!

Pretty-bitty please with Christmas trees?

Xenomorph said...

With the begging for updates alone, we could hit maybe up to five pages of comments in no time.





Which isn't to say that I don't want to see one, either.

Anonymous said...

so if troy continues at a rate of two entries a year, and with 140 entries to go, we will be posting comments begging for the update for at least the next 70 years.

Elizabeth said...

Aha! The Susie Snowflake comment was really submitted by me, Elizabeth. So that one + my comment before it only count as one incident of update-begging, not two.

Troy, do you still think that the "Susie Snowflake" short story is the best Goosebumps story, after having read many books after it? Is "Chicken, Chicken" still the worst?

troy steele said...

Yes and Yes

Xenomorph said...

Kewl, Elizabeth, you got a comment from Troy.

Groggy Dundee said...

Steele, this update better be soon or I'll sick the Stelks on you.

Xenomorph said...

Seeing as how it's September, summer is over, and your chance for a great update has passed.
PLEASE UPDATE, I BEG OF YOU! So help me, I might strap you to an electric chair and force you to read Chicken Chicken five times over!

Groggy Dundee said...

We could always force him to read Be Afraid again as penance. I'm feeling awful tempted to wreak vengeance.

Xenomorph said...

Yeah, but then he might make us wait a year before updating.

Anonymous said...

Willy Wonka is a genius. He understands that, if you want to create great things (in his case, candy) you can't stick to conventions. You have to experiment and take risks. You can't just do the same thing everyone else does.

Hi said...

Mwhahahaha. Troy, your fans now support my cause!!!!! They finally realize lazy you are! You may have been able to swing the "it's that bad excuse" with babva but not anymore!

By the way, whatever happened to "A Tool". He just stopped posting all of a sudden.

Elizabeth said...

I saw a new copy of "Curse of the Mummy's Tomb" in a store today...the mummy on the new cover is gross.

troy steele said...

Hi, if your cause was to get people to think I'm lazy, you were scooped like at least three years ago.

Anon e Mouse Jr. said...

"I saw a new copy of "Curse of the Mummy's Tomb" in a store today...the mummy on the new cover is gross."

Eh. I've seen worse. (For example: several covers in the G2K series.)

By the way, speaking of the reissues, from what I've seen, as long as the HorrorLand series continues, the companion reissues will continue. The first two have been revealed ("Welcome to Dead House" and "Welcome to Camp Nightmare"), but no word on the last five yet.

Personally, I'm hoping the HorrorLand series lasts long enough for them to reissue the entire classic series. Nineteen down (even if we don't know what the last five are yet), 43 to go!

Until next time...

Anon e Mouse Jr.

Xenomorph said...

Hi, shut up. I'm still a Troy loyalist. Groggy and I were just making light-hearted jokes, and Troy appreciates it because when we ask for updates, it proves that we like the blog and that we want more of it. Seriously. Ask him yourself.

Elizabeth said...

If these people don't like Blogger Beware, why do they keep coming back?

Anonymous said...

Hey Troy, do you appreciate it when Laurel and Hardy there ask for updates?

Christian said...

Hi, you've made you point. Now will you just quit posting these annoying comments. We here like this blog [despite the slow update schedule] and would like it if you would knock it off. This blog is enjoyable to read and has many fans. Will you just quit saying the same thing over and over again.

In conclusion, leave.

Anonymous said...

I like how when they were reissuing books for HorrorLand that they didn't do Let's Get Invisible! and The Haunted School, which were actually pertinent.

David T. said...

This place has gotten weird.

Xenomorph said...

David T., where have you been the last two years?

Anon e Mouse Jr. said...

"This place has gotten weird."

You mean it wasn't before? :D

Until next time...

Anon e Mouse Jr.

Groggy Dundee said...

"Hey Troy, do you appreciate it when Laurel and Hardy there ask for updates?"

I'm sure he appreciates it a lot more than your trolling.

Anonymous said...

Trolling? You quite mistake me. How regrettable.

Xenomorph said...

Well, Anonymous, maybe if you didn't act like a dick, we wouldn't perceive you as a dick.

Anonymous said...

Lesson of the day: Apparently every anonymous poster is the same person!

Anonymous said...

By the way guys, big R.L. fans should know that he has a short story in a book called "Half-Minute Horrors" that came out recently. If I recall correctly, his contribution is entitled "My Worst Nightmare." (A bunch of other big-name authors have contributed; it's pretty cool.)

Xenomorph said...

Actually, if an Anonymous continues talking as if he was a previous Anonymous, then we can assume he was the previous Anonymous and thus all the Anonymous posters are the same Anonymous.

Yeah, I didn't understand that either.

Groggy Dundee said...

I'm not naive enough to expect an update tonight but a rough estimate of when the next entry will be up might be nice. Summer's over in all but the strictest sense, Troy, and unless you got eaten by Sabre you don't have much excuse.

Eric said...

Hey Troy, this may have been posted before, but did you know you made it into the Wikipedia entry on Goosebumps?

Elizabeth said...

I saw ad on a website that for the Goosebumps show DVDs, and it said there are "new" spooky stories...but it showed "Welcome to Dead House" and "Attack of the Jack o'lanterns", which aren't new episodes.

Christian said...

Yikes, how about everyone just use a name to avoid confusion okay.

Anonymous said...

Monday is National Blogger Beware Day. Everyone who has a facebook should make their status Blogger Beware themed.

Elizabeth said...

Some of the new DVDs of the show are at Target. Ten dollars for a DVD with only three episodes. There are DVDs of other shows that cost twice that much, but have fifteen or twenty episodes on them.

Anonymous said...

This applies well

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mqgtn5muHyc

C. V. Reynolds said...

I discovered this blog a couple of months ago while searching for Goosebumps stuff and read through it all pretty quick. One of the best sites I've ever been to and I love your style, Troy. The more fans acknowledging the greatness the better, right? Eager for the next update, but don't break yourself. We need your mind long into the future.

Tayyab said...

I'm replying to the post of Anonymous. Yes, the story is really named My Worst Nightmare. Anyways, Troy, when is the Haunted Car review coming?

Red Shirt said...

There have been no comments for the last week... Has everyone lost interest or has Troy stopped approving comments? These comments are the only reason I check the blog nowadays... Do you guys remember the days when Troy used to update (almost) every week? Ahh... Good times... Good times.

Christian said...

"'Contrariwise'", continued Tweedledee, "'if it was so, it might be, and if it were so, it would be, but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic.'"

It just seemed appropriate after reading that last post.

P.S.: I don't know what it is, Troy, but whenever I read "SOMETIMES there are new UPDATES", I'm reminded of the end of Orwell's "Animal Farm", when the Commandment reads, "All Animals are EQUAL, but SOME animals are MORE EQUAL than others."...

Yeah.

Elizabeth said...

Maybe Troy tried to update but Kanye West interrupted him.

Groggy Dundee said...

Can an update be expected in the near-future? Three months is the point where I get impatient.

Elizabeth said...

Christian, now that you've mentioned it, the "SOMETIMES there are new UPDATES" reminds me of that, too.

Elizabeth said...

Troy, the Wikipedia page for "Deep Trouble" has material copied from your blog entry.

Anonymous said...

The Wikipedia problem is a recurring one, I recall.

Elizabeth said...

I know. I was just mentioning it here because I think Anon E. Mouse and some other people have been fixing some of the Wikipedia entries; just wanted to let them know.

Ryan Ferneau said...

Man, I thought it was good news when I remembered this site and saw something other than the Be Afraid Be Very Afraid dragon on top... That one seemed to last as one as "Hang Troy by the stockings with care". Whatever happened to that blog post, anyway?

Anon e Mouse Jr. said...

The next couple of GB HorrorLand books have been announced: "Heads, You Lose" and "Weirdo Halloween", with the companion reissues being "Ghost Beach" and "The Scarecrow Walks at Midnight".

Four down, three to go... and just three days until the HorrorLand Welcome/Survival Guide is released, along with the eleventh reissue!

Until next time...

Anon e Mouse Jr.

Anonymous said...

I find it ironic that the synopsis for "Heads, You Lose" makes it sound like "A Night in Terror Tower" would have been the perfect book to reissue with it, and yet that's the corresponding reprint for #12. Weirdo Halloween sounds just awful, but I'm intrigued by the fact that it's "extra-long." Could it be a Goosebumps book as long as a regular book at last?! Cover-wise, Ghost Beach and Weirdo Halloween look atrocious. I am way too into this.

Elizabeth said...

Has anyone here read that "choose your own adventure" book about spending the night in a museum? It was by Stine but wasn't a Goosebumps book.

Groggy Dundee said...

Troy Steele... YOU ARE A LIAR, the snowman raged.

Anon e Mouse Jr. said...

Well, now I have my copies of both Goosebumps books to be published this month, along with the second "Ghosts of Fear Street" two-in-one set.

Judging my some of the material in the Survival Guide, I have the sneaking suspicion that Stine isn't quite done with the Morris family yet, and we may well see them again in the second story arc.

Until next time...

Anon e Mouse Jr.

DJ Loomis said...

Huh. Is Survival Guide just a collection of the stuff from Escapehorrorland.com, or is there more?

Anonymous said...

I'd best order the Survival Guide fast before Amazon.co.uk realises that the Survival Guide is only coming out in America and they've just got some import copies. I wonder if Stine'll completely ignore the twist ending of #12 if the Morrises return. Wouldn't be the first time.

Elizabeth said...

Has anyone seen Stine's "The Haunting Hour: Don't Think About It" or read the book?

I haven't seen the movie, but supposedly there is a lot of "plugging" for Papa John's pizza in it.

Ascension said...

Sunday, Oct. 11, 2009:

Things are looking grim. Still no Blogger Beware update. If we can't find something that makes grandma laugh soon, she'll probably eat my other leg. Or worse, she might take Jenny's arm. She really needs that arm.

We've been trying to find a humor substitute... webcomics, funny movies, stand-up routines... but the situation just keeps getting worse.

We've just got to face facts: Only Troy Steele can save us.

May God have mercy on our souls...

Brodie said...

I just wish Troy would accounce the blogs death. There aren't even any hilarious arguments in the comments anymore.

Anon e Mouse Jr. said...

DJ Loomis said: "Is Survival Guide just a collection of the stuff from Escapehorrorland.com, or is there more?"

It's the complete "Survival Guide" they were posting on that site, plus the last two chapters that weren't posted then, and finally a couple of news articles from HorrorLand, one of which mentions new arrival Jonathan Chiller and his souvenir shop. And it's just a hunch, but I have the sneaking suspicion that he and his shop might be responsible for the twist ending of book 12.

Until next time...

Anon e Mouse Jr.

Anonymous said...

DJ Loomis: HorrorLand Survival Guide is the Fear File chapters from EscapeHorrorLand.com - but the website never put the last two chapters up. There might be other stuff as well, I don't know.

Tayyab said...

WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO UPDATE, TROY? I'm tired of waiting for your next update. Please, Troy, do something!

DJ Loomis said...

Thanks. I just bought it.

I think the twist to Book 12 was more likely just one of Stine's trademark retarded endings. But you could still be right all the same.

Reepicheep-chan said...

Update for Halloween plz?

*puppy-dog eyes*

Groggy Dundee said...

I'm with Tayyab. Four months since the last update, when you claimed you'd have two reviews up by "the end of the summer" = fail.

Tayyab said...

Troy, tell me the answers of these questions:
Are you lazy?
Has someone interrupted you?
Did something bad happen to you?
Have you lost the copy of the book you were supposed to post a review of?
When is the next update coming?

Anonymous said...

I just realized that it's October - almost November - and there has really only been one actual update (not counting announcements) this year.

Anonymous said...

Come on guys! We're so close to a thrid page of comments!!!!

Anonymous said...

Are you alive?

Anonymous said...

No comments for the last 16 days or so... Is Troy away or have people finally abandoned all hope?

Anonymous said...

Troy I think I hate you.

Tristeza said...

C'mon Troy, give us some love. It's been a while now :(

Zenuk said...

So Troy, going for a new update per 6 months now? I'm certain your wit can go on faster than that. You even missed Halloween this year.

Tayyab said...

Troy, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE answer these questions:

Are you lazy?
Are you busy with something?
When will you update?

Troy, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE answer these questions.

Anonymous said...

Well, the blog had a good run, and there's lots of material to read over in the future. It's a shame it ended a bit prematurely, though. RIP Blogger Beware (Jan 2006 - Jun 2009)

Brodie said...

At first it was funny, seeing everyone bitch and argue, and now it just makes me sad that this place is dead.

Anonymous said...

Troy I love your blog and I generally don't dig when people whine for updates, but really, leaving us hanging all this time and constantly teasing us with "it's almost done" or "I'm writing it now" is real asshole behavior. If something has actually happened to you that prevents you from getting on and at least saying something to us, that's one thing. If not, uncool, dude.

Author and Filmmaker said...

The lack of comment approval, or comments thereof, is quite frightening.

Anonymous said...

this blog. anyone remember this?

ThatGreatLoveSound said...

I don't know, I think I would have enjoyed hearing about the dream. I'm sure it wouldn't have broken the internet as the only real way you can break the internet is to type 'google' into 'google.'

Anonymous said...

Well, comments are being approved again. That makes a change.

Latest Goosebumps news: Stine said in a podcast that he's writing books called "The Wizard of Ooze" and "Slappy New Year." The latter was the title of one of the cancelled Goosebumps Gold books! And I'm sort of hoping that the former will be related to Monster Blood or something, but it probably won't be.

RedShirt said...

Troy-

Do you remember when you worte that the haunted car was the best 2000 book? Well I think your lying. Oh, I think Hi finnaly stopped posting irritating comments! Hurray! Oh yeah, will you please tell us when you'll be updating.

Author and Filmmaker said...

*simply cries* This world was one of the only reasons I had to keep living. *shoots himself in head*

Anonymous said...

That would've made a great 400th comment, too.

Author and Filmmaker said...

Unfortunately, it seems people have caught onto its death and aren't commenting enough to put it up to 400. At least Troy is approving comments again, that's a start.

troy steele said...

Just building anticipation for the launch of Blogger Beware Series 2000

J_S_P said...

Troy, why are you the way that you are? Honestly, every time I look at this blog expecting a fun or exciting update, you make it not that way. I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.

Anonymous said...

so do we get an update once a certain number of comments are reached?

troy steele said...

No, I'm not that arbitrary. The honest truth is that half of the entry is written and eventually it will be finished and posted. I don't want to promise anything other than that I committed to finishing the series and I will do so eventually. Hopefully sooner than later. I'm sorry for the delay, but all longtime fans know it wouldn't be Blogger Beware without long periods of inactivity

Groggy Dundee said...

Long periods of inactivity is fair enough, whether due to laziness or personal problems or a very busy work/class schedule or a combination of all three, all of which I could certainly relate to. But two posts in a year!?!

tj said...

Almost at 400!

BTW I can't believe there's only been like 2 updates this year.

Author and Filmmaker said...

I am frightened that Blogger Beware's fanbase is losing hope. Never fear, fellow BBites! You know Troy will EVENTUALLY pull through...
C'mon, Troy, we're counting on you to come through for us here!
By the way, this post's word verification word is nangende, which when pronounced "nan-jend-eh" sounds funny.

Brandon said...

400?

What do I win?

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