Saturday, May 08, 2010

Summer Internship Opportunity



High profile pop culture exploiter seeks highly motivated, nostalgia-addled readers for unpaid summer blog reading opportunity

Responsibilities
* Checking the site once a week for regular updates
* Asking trivial questions in the comments section. Ex: "What was Hannah's opinion of ice cream in The Ghost Next Door?"
* Saying every update is either the best or worst entry yet

Qualifications
* Proficiency in Lisa Frank and Snick
* Ability to make snap judgments while wearing snap bracelets a plus
* Has some cotton candy-flavored Bubblicious they're willing to share

All interested respondents please forward your resume, completed Art Instruction School brochure, Cash4Gold envelope, and Land's End catalog request form to comicalfalseemailaddress@wrylypunnedurl.com

100 comments:

nodoctors said...

it's snick or it's snot. this is snot.

Anon e Mouse Jr. said...

*raises eyebrow* Is this a joke, or just a hint that you're getting ready to start updating regularly again?

Until next time...

Anon e Mouse Jr.

Anon e Mouse Jr. said...

*raises eyebrow* Is this a joke, or just a hint that you're getting ready to start updating regularly again?

Until next time...

Anon e Mouse Jr.

troy steele said...

When have I ever made a joke on this blog

MWchase said...

I... kind of assumed that everyone who didn't add this to RSS like I did had long since expired due to refresh-button-related mishaps. Have they really been going strong all this time?

troy steele said...

Hope keeps many a man afloat

Anon e Mouse Jr. said...

Seriously though: is this a hint that you're getting ready to start updating regularly again?

Until next time...

Anon e Mouse Jr.

ozbuzz said...

Seriously though, is this serious or a joke or serious, and is this a joke? Jokingly though, I'm serious. Joke. Serious. Joke.

chicken lover said...

Damn you troy! just when we were about to beat our record of comments on the previous update,you make an unsatisfactory comment diversion.

HeatMa said...

oh troy, we've missed you :)

Ferb said...

My summer is now awesome. I just need 104 days of it and my life will be complete. I could do anything this summer...and I chose to read this blog

Kristen said...

Ahhh....cotton candy flavored bubble gum, I miss thee.

arthurfellill said...

Hell. Yes.

BigEdgarP said...

This is the best update yet!

Anonymous said...

Flipping out right here right now at a hint of new updates.

rob said...

worst update ever

Anonymous said...

Seriously, worst post ever. :)

Mr. Anonymous Mouse, if it was a hint, what would be the point of telling you it was a hint?

Anonymous said...

Bubblicious Cotton Candy flavored gum.

Fuck

yes.

The Groundskeeper said...

If anything I am overqualified for this.

Keep on rocking in the free blogoworld, Troy.

UnclGhost said...

I'll be richer than Richie Rich!

David T. said...

My snap bracelet had dinosaurs on it.

Millie said...

So - what WAS Hannah's opinion of ice cream in "The Ghost Next Door"?

phil said...

Resume sent, gum is in the mail

Groggy Dundee said...

Come on, Troy! I'm taking a summer term at college and I need all the levity and inspiration I can get.

RL STINE said...

Good to see that you're recapping ;)

Anonymous said...

Glad to see you're alive, Troy. Stay hilarious.

Madeline said...

I'm a new reader. I found this blog about a month ago and have been checking it every week or two in spite of myself. I'm glad to see that my obsessiveness payed off and that you're still alive.

Also, this is either the best or worst entry yet.

Frogster said...

You could hire someone to review the Fear Street series. I think I read more of those as a kid as opposed to Goosebumps (of course I'm only 16 so technically still a kid.) If I remember correctly, Fear Street books were significantly better, though that might just be my memories.

Anonymous said...

Frogster, Troy's said a couple of times that he doesn't plan to do Fear Street, although he might do the kid-oriented Ghosts Of Fear Street. There are a couple of Fear Street blogs out there, though, if you look around.

Anonymous said...

Dude better be doin' Ghosts of Fear Street, or else that tip jar of his ain't gonna be rattling any time soon.

He does have a tip jar, right?

Anonymous said...

It's 1 a.m. - why aren't you making more 1 a.m. humor, Troy?

Frisky Risky said...

Excellent stuff. And, I love cotton candy flavored gum.
(Well, most kinds of gum, really).

Frogster said...

Oh I see, I was thinking of Ghosts of Fear Street, I didn't realize there was just a Fear Street.

ConcernedAboutToday'sScreenNames said...

It's sad when everyone is too stupid to not realize what a joke is anymore. Forget the 2000 series, this is the best post in the world. It's definitely more tongue-in-cheek than the more recent posts.

Jam Mattock said...

WHAT THE HECK KIND OF DOG AND PONY SHOW ARE YOU RUNNING HERE, MISTER?!

I spend literally minutes typing up a resume and jamming Bubblicious into my usb ports and what do I get for my trouble?! A 'THIS ADDRESS DOES NOT EXIST' message! >:(

[p.s. - please oh please oh please update. :'( ]
[p.p.s. - seriously, is there a tip jar? ]

chicken lover said...

To be honest i liked the the Goosebumps more than Ghosts of Fear Street though i only read a few. Hide and Shriek! was my favourite and The Attack of the Aqua Apes is worse than any Goosebumps books i've ever read - and that's including Monster Blood!

Meredith said...

I am a recent new reader also and I have been enjoying myself very much.
Mmm cotton candy bubble gum rules.

Frogster said...

Hey does anyone know what book this is? I think it is a Goosebumps book because what I remember sounds like one, and I was reading a lot of Goosebumps books at the time.

It's about a boy with a loyal pet dog. He has an an older sister who taunts him, along with her own pet cat that she brags "is extremely smart" and often criticizes the boy's dog because of how stupid it is. I remember she teaches her cat to operate the can opener so it can feed itself tuna. For the boy's birthday his parents get him a chemistry set. The boy is pretty bummed out, but his friend is all excited they can make stink bombs. Inside the chemistry set there is a recipe, and for some reason the boy's friend assumes the recipe is a stink bomb and so they create it and plant it in his sisters room during a party. The bomb doesn't do anything because it isn't really a stink bomb.

The boy touches whatever it is that they made, and he gradually becomes very stupid (no joke) and forgetful. A bunch of junk happens, something to do with his school, and other stuff like the boy tries to look a word up in the dictionary but he doesn't understand the definition because he forgets what all the words mean. The goo that he and his friend made (no homo) begins growing larger every time it touches somebody, and whoever or whatever it touches becomes stupid. The boy realizes that the goo is absorbing people's intelligence.

Eventually it becomes large enough the goo takes the shape of a human and communicates with the boy. Apparently, it is an alien race that gains power by stealing other species intelligence. It hid itself inside a chemistry set because obviously only smart people would buy such a thing. The boy tries to stop the goo, but it is too powerful and begins to strangle the boy by sucking him in to its gooey body. But then at the last minute--his faithful dog to the rescue! His dog begins to get strangled too, but then the goo shrinks to the size of a small pea and everyone is saved.

Apparently, the dog is so stupid it negated everything else the goo had absorbed. The dog lost all of its brain, the boy says to himself as he rubs the dog on the belly, but it's still a great pet.

Anyone know what this is?

troy steele said...

Too interesting to be a Goosebumps book

Anonymous said...

I think that was a Ghost Of Fear Street Book. Perhaps it was "The Ooze"?

Anonymous said...

Yeah, that doesn't sound like any Goosebumps book I've ever read or heard of. But it's definitely Goosebumps-style, so it's probably one of those other 90s young horror series.

I looked around a few on Wikipedia, but couldn't definitively identify any that it might be. Wow, but variations on "Creature Teacher" and "Little Shop of Horrors" are popular titles, though.

Frogster said...

I looked on Amazon and I believe it is "The Ooze" that I'm thinking of. Ghosts of Fear Street #8. Thank you Anonymous.

Anonymous said...

Also looking for a book here. I'm pretty sure it was from one of the many Goosebumps knock-off series from the 90's. Certainly a R.L. Stine book for sure.

The main character was a typical 12 year old protagonist named Lyle, and he wore a backwards cap; he also had a male friend named Mark iirc, and a female friend. Our main character pulls a prank or something, and ends up going to detention at school. In the detention room, there's some scene where it turns out that there are people inside the walls. It turns out that this is a nightmare, but he has a false awakening into another nightmare. Then he ends up having a nice dream where his friends are praising him. The ending of the book is actually somewhat disturbing, in that it ends with the protagonist ignoring a real call to wake up and deciding to sleep forever.

Anyone else read this one?

TJ said...

I can't be by R.L Stine. It sounds good.

Frogster said...

It sounds like a Nightmare Room book?

chicken lover said...

Frogster: i know that book! i read it when i was 8, thinking it was a goosebumps book. It deterred me from reading goosebumps untill i was 12 and it wasnt even a goosebumps book!Thanks Froster and Anoymous #7&8.

p.s.
"Too interesting to be a goosebumps book"
Troy, believe me, this book was worse than monster blood 1,2&3.

Ken said...

Hey Troy, is checking the blog once a day a plus on our resume?

Frogster said...

I've already been accepted as a summer blog reader.

I'll tell everyone about it later.

tj said...

Found this on youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yvd2CQkAXA&playnext_from=TL&videos=ZaqLjlKoHOY

troy steele said...

Not to be a member of the Internet Gaffe Squad, but he gets some of those wrong

Ken said...

Troy should know better than anyone that he does indeed get some of those wrong... and he also got the book covers switched for Deep Trouble II and the Haunted School. And also, I am apalled that he was not really on a roller coaster...

Alison said...

Woo! I'd like for this blog to start up again. R.L. Stine wrote so much shit and it's just begging to be made fun of.

I was in a secondhand bookstore last month and picked up some of his books for laughs. Apparently he did some series called "Seniors of Fear Street". This guy must have had like 700 spin-offs of Fear Street.

Gotta love the chapter endings to this hack's books. Always OH NO! SOMETHING IS VERY WRONG! And then the next chapter beginning OH NO, NO IT ISN'T. I MISUNDERSTOOD. OOPS. Yeah, that doesn't get annoying after reading it 10 times per book.

Anon e Mouse Jr. said...

News from Amazon... the nineteenth GBHL book is listed, and the title has changed from "Return to Chiller House" (which Stine gave as the name on his Twitter feed) to "The Horror At Chiller House". Rather reminiscent of another one of his books, eh? (Though hopefully this one will be more accurate to its title.)

In other news, Stine considers "Welcome to Dead House" the scariest book in the series (he says he hadn't figured out the right humor/horror mix yet), and the scariest SCENE he's ever written is from "A Night in Terror Tower". The scene in question is the one where, in his own words, "the boy and girl realize they don't know their own names or where they're from."

Until next time...

Anon e Mouse Jr.

Anonymous said...

Oh wow, I like how the synopsis alone for The Horror At Chiller House is so spoileriffic. Sterling work, Scholastic. Uh, but pretend I said that in a sort of ironic way that suggests I don't actually care.

tj said...

Stine just said THIS on his Twiitter:

"I Am finishing up a GB book for next year, called Claws. About evil zombie cats. I'm a dog person, so this one was easy to write."

I can't believe I'm saying this but this one could me made of WIN

Anonymous said...

It's not like he's never written about evil zombie cats before, though. The Cry Of The Cat, specifically, and at least one Fear Street. But I actually thought TCotC was good, so...

tj said...

Ya but COTC was about A Ghost Cat, not a Zombie Cat.

forgotten sin said...

Claws? Really?

I know the titles have never been works of brilliance, but really?

Though knowing Stine, it'll be Attack of the Claws, or Claws for alarm, or some crap like that.

Anonymous said...

You guys are gonna luahg when you hear this

On Twitter, someone pointed out Billy was 12 in CFTD even he should be 13.

What did Stine have to say about this?

"Billy is going backwards. This year he's 10. It's a strange disease, poor guy..."




Stine Wins.

Pizza said...

It is time to start reviewing more books, troy.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, we can't talk about R.L. Stine forever.

jam handy said...

Bullshit we can't, anon.

Come on, Troy. Hurry up. :(

Pizza said...

If you could go ahead and have a book review out sometime next week, that would be great...

Ascension said...

Technically I think we could just talk about R.L. Stine forever, we just wouldn't want to.

Anonymous said...

Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease do the only remaining slappy book; it's quite decent for a goosebumps book, and I've been waiting for that entry ever since I found this blog. Howcome you skipped it and did book 22?

Pizza said...

I've just discovered that my favorite beverage contains uranium. Please post the next book review this week in case I die.

Anonymous said...

@Anon

Because Troy was going in order with the Series 2000 books. Slappy's Nightmare isn't until Book 23, which is next.

Although given that it's roughly one book every 6 months now, perhaps we may be able to expect something new soon.

Anonymous said...

On which note, I just read HorrorLand #15, "Heads, You Lose!" It was... nothing special. Like "A Night In Terror Tower" without the terror, although to my recollection then the time travel didn't really make sense in either of them.

Pizza said...

I know a hot woman that looks and acts just like Andy from Monster Blood. I'll hook troy up if he releases a new book review this week.

nodoctors said...

summer has officially started boils and ghouls

TJ said...

I'm 5 pages in to HYL and the protagonist just said he/she likes Ventriloquism. Here we go!

Pizza said...

I purchased Heads You Lose the day it came out but I haven't read it yet because I haven't had the time, but since everyone here at blogger beware is starting to read it all of a sudden, I too will begin.

Also, if troy posts a new review this week then I will send him an autographed copy of Chicken Chicken.

Tayyab said...

"Billy is going backwards. This year he's 10. It's a strange disease, poor guy..."
Billy is actually Benjamin Button

Jam Mattock said...

I'd like to temporarily rescind my request for readouts of the Ghosts of Fear Street series.

After having perused the wikipedia page, I can only support an immediate summary review of Secret Agent Grandma orLost in Stinkeye Swamp.

Anonymous said...

*looks up* Lost In Stinkeye Swamp sounds like it could be good. But, having actually read Secret Agent Grandma... *shudders*

Anonymous said...

billy should actually be 14 in CFD because he was 13 in DT 2

Anonymous said...

billy should actually be 14 in CFD because he was 13 in DT 2

Anonymous said...

I think troy's just trying to use up as much time as possible before he has to read Little Shop of Hamsters.I really don't blame him.

Pizza said...

troy's negativity is wearing out on you guys. The Horrorland books are actually better than a lot of the originals in my opinion. Except My Friends Call Me Monster, which was absolutely atrocious.

Anonymous said...

so is this next book too horrible to read or what?

Anonymous said...

I agree Pizza...man that sounded retarded

But the Horrorland series is pretty good...but NO ONE fucks with the awesomeness that is "My Friends Call Me Monster"

But if there's one Horrorland that WAS atrocious its...Revenge Of The Living Dummy

Pizza said...

There were only three GB 2000 books that I have read: Horror(s) of the Black Ring, Earth Geeks Must Go, and Ghost in the Mirror. Two of those are in the last three series 2000 books that are left to review, and I've been waiting for many a month. Come on, now.

Christian said...

Hi, Troy. I hope your summer is going well!

I fear I should warn you, though-last night, I had a dream about a Blogger Beware entry (Seriously). The entry proclaimed that it was truly the worst Goosebumps 2000 book ever--one so bad that it out-sucked all the ones that came before it. I can't remember any of the details of my dream...except there was a female protagonist.

So, in thanks for all you have done for us over the years, I feel that I have to say...

BLOGGER BEWARE!

Happy Fourth! And watch out...

ChaseMitchell said...

Troy, you created an amazing, unforgettably entertaining thing with Blogger Beware, but now I wish you'd just pull the plug and save us the disappointment of waiting for updates that never come.

Nobody would blame you. I wrote Heroes recaps for a website for two whole god-awful seasons — I know what it's like to get burned out on bad writing. Only difference was, when I got fed up, I told everyone so they knew what to (not) expect.

notsoanonymous said...

Started reading this blog January '09, so I thought the 6 month update schedule was normal for quite awhile. After waiting for Be Afraid and Haunted Car, I want to believe. But what ever happened to the poster with the ravenous grandma? ... did she eat more than just a leg?

troy steele said...

Keep the dream alive

Anonymous said...

The dream is on life support.

Someone, somewhere out there... they suggested cutting the cord. But damnit, dream, I won't let you die!

Dick Wimbledon said...

Hi, I'm Dick Wimbledon.

Anonymous said...

Tragic news to greet you with, Mr. Wimbledon - R.L. Stine said on Twitter that the Goosebumps movie is no longer in production.

Anonymous said...

Summer still has a month and a half left. Must

keep

dream

alive

Doofenshmirtz said...

I want Troy to finish the 200 series NOW so I can make the obvious "I'm going to Horrorland" joke

forgotten sin said...

Another summer, another chance to get the last tales go give you goosebumps book gets squandered.

Pizza said...

Venom courses through my brain as I notice there's a new update but it's not a new review.

yournateonme said...

The links for the haunted car and full moon fever aren't clickable like the other ones even though they got reviewed

Anonymous said...

well guess what anoymous,I'VE fucked with the awesomeness that is 'My Friends Call Me Monster!

Anonymous said...

P.S NO ONE fucks wit the awesomeness that is 'Revenge of the Living Dummy...
except me.

Anonymous said...

Did you wash your hands afterwards?

Anonymous said...

And, with the summer rapidly fading, there never actually was an update.

It's too bad, I was really looking forward to it. Maybe during the school year?

Zenuk said...

Hey man, I'll do this thing with you. COME ON. YOU GOTTA BELIEVE.

Anonymous said...

Troy! They're making the Goosebumps books into a movie. Check it out.

http://www.slashfilm.com/2010/09/16/rl-stines-book-series-goosebumps-to-become-live-action-movie/

One can only hope that all protagonists are replaced by Andy.