Monday, October 03, 2011

The Grim Prophecies of RL Stine Are Coming True



(Courtesy of Blogger Beware reader Jane)

78 comments:

Anonymous said...

NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Be on the look out for cat tornadoes!

Anonymous said...

Did the one in the book include tax, cause this one does FFFFFF-

Andrew R. said...

NOT THE $5.00 CAR WASH!!!!

What's next-bee throwing?

forgotten sin said...

Driver beware, you're in for an overpaid car wash

Jane said...

Believe me, this picture wasn't easy to take. But it was soooo worth it.

Anonymous said...

Who says Goosebumps is obsolete?

Anonymous said...

I really don't know what to say to this. I want to say something about ventriloquism and monster blood and summer camp, but well....fuck.

A five dollar car wash.

MJN SEIFER said...

But the Twist is:
The owner of the car wash turns out to be a dog or something.

Groggy Dundee said...

The cave wash is still $3.99.

Andrew R. said...

Benny here. This one 5/10 okay.

Givemeyoursandwich said...

Reader beware: you ain't gonna see nothing here ⇓

Givemeyoursandwiches said...

Whoops!I lied.Sorry.

Givemeyoursandwicheses said...

Wha the Hell Blogger!I didn't say this,I wrote it.Get it right.

Anonymous said...

That's not true! That's impossible! NOO! NOooooooo!

Anonymous said...

This made my day.
Made my day horrible that is.

But at least you're alive!

Anonymous said...

finally a new post !
post more please ): i love your blog !

DarkfireTaimatsu said...

This was... worth the wait, to be perfectly honest.

Tina said...

And then the update took 5 months.

:P
looking forward to see more reviews!

Izzy said...

"In 1996 money, that is like one and a half George magazines."

Robin said...

Haha.

Anonymous said...

I guess it's not as relevant to review books you didn't read as a child. Maybe switch to another subject?

Anonymous said...

troy,come on, do an update please

Groggy Dundee said...

Well, there's still one of the Triple Headers and R.L. Stine's autobiography. If Troy were really desperate for Bumping he could do one of the Give Yourself Goosebumps or even the TV show.

Anonymous said...

This is what happens when Troy doesn't update the blog...EVIL.

No but seriously, this post is as hilarious as any full book review.

Jane said...

Sorta unrelated: R.L. Stine is a guest "judge" (I'll use that term loosely) on this episode called Halloween Wars on Food Network. Not sure what Goosebumps has to do with carving pumpkins. He mentioned that his job was, and I quote, "To scare people." Ugh...

The jokes write themselves.

Damian Garcia said...

@Jane

Yeah I just saw that and was about to mention it here. But you beat me to it, curse you!
I thought his "guest appearance" was strange. He didn't even do anything really.
And maybe that'll be his next book: When Pumpkin Carvers Attack! DUH DUH DUH.

Robin said...

Did any of you read "Don't Ever Get Sick at Granny's"? I think it might have been a Fear Street book. It was similar to "My Hairiest Adventure" because at the end, it turned out that the whole story had been a dog's dream.

Anonymous said...

So out of boredom, I decided to check Stine's Twitter. He's starting to write Planet of the Lawn Gnomes. And there's a picture of a dog with fake breasts in his recent images.

WTF, I'm going to bed.

Groggy Dundee said...

Caught the Say Cheese and Die episode of the Goosebumps TV show on Hub TV... starring Ryan Gosling!

Also The Haunting Hour was on right after it. There's a pretty huge difference in quality between the two shows.

Anonymous said...

...The "Goosebumps: Most Wanted" series is going to have a "Planet of the Lawn Gnomes"? Whose most wanted are these, exactly?

Andrew R. said...

@Groggy-don't forget the Goosebumps Horrorland Series. But Triple Header Part I should come first.

Also, Troy needs to update the link thingy with the last two Series 2000 books and More Tales to Give You Goosebumps.

Anonymous said...

Haha, gotta say, failing to update the links actually irks me more than the lack of updates. After all, Troy has to finish sometime, but I just can't rest with an incomplete sidebar!

Groggy Dundee said...

"@Groggy-don't forget the Goosebumps Horrorland Series."

Well, that's what I was saying. I'm assuming Troy got stuck on Revenge of the Living Dummy and couldn't go any further. Or, who knows, maybe he has a life outside this blog.

Pizza said...

why? Why? WHYYYY!?!?!?

Benevolent Misanthrope said...

In Horrorland when Robby gets his leg stuck we need a "Reader Beware, You're in for a snare!"

Muhammad Hauzan said...

wh...wh...what does it mean?

CheeseVision said...

lol
Everything is going according to plan

Groggy Dundee said...

Missed Halloween. Not funny, Troy. Not funny at all.

forgotten sin said...

Stine just tweeted:

What was I doing at 11:11? Outlining a new Goosebumps book called Planet of the Lawn Gnomes. What else would I be doing?

Troy, it looks like one of your favorite books is getting a sequel...

The Nameless One said...

I just found this blog the other day. Have to say, I like it, though I never actually read the Goosebumps books as a kid. Still, these storylines are pretty silly, and you do a great job of tearing them a new one. I don't know what my parents were afraid of....

pogg said...

troy could you at least tell us why you

Anonymous said...

I guess Troy has officially moved on what with the new blog and all.

NotSoAnonymous said...

Ahh, why? I can accept if you're busy with some commitment or other, but turns out you've deserted us to start another blog? WQ#(*&^$W*&^$

/end rant

Groggy Dundee said...

No, I will not check out Shueology. I have about as much as nostalgic regard for Elisabeth Shue as I do for Ryan O'Neal.

David T said...

It's going to be an Autumn of all bummer, isn't it?

Anonymous said...

Elisabeth Shue looks like Britta Perry.

Anonymous said...

I read Why I Quit Zombie School today. Second of the new Goosebumps books to feature dead squirrel eating.

Anonymous said...

Happy holidays from Dead House, everyone.

John Holmes said...

Dr Maniac Vs. Robby Schwartz

Back Taglines:-Digital Danger!Write and fight!(yeah, good advice for Stine on the Night of The Goosebumps Readers)Howl if you love Horrorland!

So since Troy seems to have given up on good ol' Goosebumps, here's me trying to carry on the baton.
I'm doing this one in a way different from Troy's so he can put up his own one later(?) and approve this one for now.

Blob Monster1: Dude, you remember when we read 'Welcome to Camp Nightmare' and 'My Hairiest Adventure' by that guy with the bad haircut-R.L. Whine-remember how we thought 'Huh?!!!!Excuse me?!'-no, actually first we thought 'What!!!'-well anyway, we thought there's no way he's gonna try and pull that one off again in his TerrorVille series? Well, guess what?

Blob Monster2: You don't say?!

Blob Monster1: Uh-huh.
I just skimmed through his latest:'Dr. Idiot versus Robby Barf'.

Blob Monster2:Wait a sec. You're talking to a guy who watched a Lizzy Shoo film yesterday. No way 'Dr. Idiot' can be worse right? Right?

Blob Monster1:Wanna bet?

Blob Monster2:(Opens his one fiendish eye wide with surprise)Okay, this I gotta hear!

Blob Monster1:So there's this kid called Robby Barf going hiking with his family which includes his brother Sam and his sister Taylor
.See, Robby creates comics and posts them online(for whom?) and his favourite character is Dr. Idiot, a supervillian who comes up with stuff like 'easy as sitting on a lemon-meringue pie(what?)'. Yeah, that would kill me for sure, hearing that one.
Now, the first chapter is coming to an end and you're waiting for Whine's usual cliffhanger which in this case is Dr. Idiot confronting Robby Barf in the woods with a dead squirrel for Robby's lunch.Will he eat it, won't he? Nope, he won't cause guess what folks, the whole thing that just happened was not real, it was Robby's COMIC.

Blob Monster2:Garn, this kind of thing makes me want to TWEAK my TUTU!!!

Blob Monster1:You sound like the Purple Rage!

John Holmes said...

Blob Monster1:Who's the Purple Rage?

Blob Monster1:A guy who's been kept in a locked room since childhood with only Whine's Goosebumps for company. This dude's always in a rage, especially when he's reading Whine's next.
But I'm getting ahead of myself.
So cheap tricks aside, let's take this from the top once again.
Chapter 2 begins with Robby really really going on a drive to the woods with his family. He shows Sam the comic strip just described in Chapter 1 on his laptop. His laptop. In the woods. No wonder the little monsters these days look so pale and ill. So basically there's a little bit of pointless talk, some suspicious circumstances hinting that one of the titular characters has come to life(bet you're wishing its Robby, cause he sure as heck needs a life)working up finally to the exact same scene we had at the end of the first chapter involving Dr. Idiot, Robby Barf and the dead squirrel.Which.Is.Also.Another.Comic.Strip.Get it?

Blob Monster2:What?!

Blob Monster1:Yup, everyhthing that happened till now is still a comic strip. Not real.Yeah. I mean it. I kid you not.

Blob Monster2:WHAT?!

Blob Monster1:So starting again,and I swear no cheating this time, Robby , Sam and their friend Brooke are in Robby's room. Robby goes to get a cola and spills his coke when he hears a crash and hurries up to discover that his brother has been kidnapped by Dr. Idiot.
There's an extended, stupid and pointless sequence in which Robby meets up with, then escapes from the Purple Rage whose idea of rescuing Sam involves braodcasting Robby's murder to everyone so that Sam will see it and escape from Dr. Idiot's clutches to save Robby.

Blob Monster2:WHAT?!!

Blob Monster1:Oh yeah and Robby discovers Brooke's been kidnapped too, but who cares. Then he sees a new comic on the web conveniently informing him that Dr. Idiot plans to kidnap all the kids in town and make them skate forever on a skating rink and then charge people to see them(?)

Blob Monster2:WHAT?!!!

Blob Monster1:But then he goes there and gets himself caught by Dr. Idiot and his confederate the Scarlet Starlet.

Blob Monster2:Who?!!

Blob Monster1:Then he tries to lead an escape attempt with the two hundred odd kids there but-oh sorry, I forgot there's a bit where the Purple Rage comes in to try rescue the kids but ends up exploding(literally) with rage, but's that not important, is it?So then, Dr. Idiot melts the ice but ol' Barfy Boy makes it out of the melting pool and reaches for the good doctor's face and-PULLS IT OFF!!!

Blob Monster2:WHAT?!!!!

Blob Monster1:See, turns out its Sam under that mask and the Scarlet Starlet's actually Brooke and-

Blob Monster2:WHAT?!!!!!

Blob Monster1:And just then the cops(bless them)burst in, led there by Robby, who they had earlier let go on his own to face a supervillian(See, this is what they mean they say the cops are GOOD). But then Sam and Brooke vanish into the computer-

Blob Monster2:WHAT?!!!!!!

Blob Monster1:-and taunt Robby through the computer screen to which he responds by hitting 'delete'-

Blob Monster2:WHAT?!!!!!!!

Blob Monster1:-thereby killing his own brother and friend and-do you really wanna hear the last bit?

John Holmes said...

Blob Monster1:Who's the Purple Rage?

Blob Monster1:A guy who's been kept in a locked room since childhood with only Whine's Goosebumps for company. This dude's always in a rage, especially when he's reading Whine's next.
But I'm getting ahead of myself.
So cheap tricks aside, let's take this from the top once again.
Chapter 2 begins with Robby really really going on a drive to the woods with his family. He shows Sam the comic strip just described in Chapter 1 on his laptop. His laptop. In the woods. No wonder the little monsters these days look so pale and ill. So basically there's a little bit of pointless talk, some suspicious circumstances hinting that one of the titular characters has come to life(bet you're wishing its Robby, cause he sure as heck needs a life)working up finally to the exact same scene we had at the end of the first chapter involving Dr. Idiot, Robby Barf and the dead squirrel.Which.Is.Also.Another.Comic.Strip.Get it?

Blob Monster2:What?!

Blob Monster1:Yup, everyhthing that happened till now is still a comic strip. Not real.Yeah. I mean it. I kid you not.

Blob Monster2:WHAT?!

Blob Monster1:So starting again,and I swear no cheating this time, Robby , Sam and their friend Brooke are in Robby's room. Robby goes to get a cola and spills his coke when he hears a crash and hurries up to discover that his brother has been kidnapped by Dr. Idiot.
There's an extended, stupid and pointless sequence in which Robby meets up with, then escapes from the Purple Rage whose idea of rescuing Sam involves braodcasting Robby's murder to everyone so that Sam will see it and escape from Dr. Idiot's clutches to save Robby.

Blob Monster2:WHAT?!!

Blob Monster1:Oh yeah and Robby discovers Brooke's been kidnapped too, but who cares. Then he sees a new comic on the web conveniently informing him that Dr. Idiot plans to kidnap all the kids in town and make them skate forever on a skating rink and then charge people to see them(?)

Blob Monster2:WHAT?!!!

Blob Monster1:But then he goes there and gets himself caught by Dr. Idiot and his confederate the Scarlet Starlet.

Blob Monster2:Who?!!

Blob Monster1:Then he tries to lead an escape attempt with the two hundred odd kids there but-oh sorry, I forgot there's a bit where the Purple Rage comes in to try rescue the kids but ends up exploding(literally) with rage, but's that not important, is it?So then, Dr. Idiot melts the ice but ol' Barfy Boy makes it out of the melting pool and reaches for the good doctor's face and-PULLS IT OFF!!!

Blob Monster2:WHAT?!!!!

Blob Monster1:See, turns out its Sam under that mask and the Scarlet Starlet's actually Brooke and-

Blob Monster2:WHAT?!!!!!

Blob Monster1:And just then the cops(bless them)burst in, led there by Robby, who they had earlier let go on his own to face a supervillian(See, this is what they mean they say the cops are GOOD). But then Sam and Brooke vanish into the computer-

Blob Monster2:WHAT?!!!!!!

Blob Monster1:-and taunt Robby through the computer screen to which he responds by hitting 'delete'-

Blob Monster2:WHAT?!!!!!!!

Blob Monster1:-thereby killing his own brother and friend and-do you really wanna hear the last bit?

John Holmes said...

Blob Monster2:It turns out everyone is a dog?

Blob Monster1:Nope, old Whine knows we've wised up to that one.

Blob Monster2: It turns out everyone is a human?

Blob Monster1:Nope, that's old hat too.

Blob Monster2:This whole thing is a comic strip and has been right from the very first chapter and none of what happened, really happened, it was all make believe ,every last alphabet?

Blob Monster1:Bingo!

Blob Monster2:I wanna see Lizzy Shoo's next! It's got to be better than-

Blob Monster1:That's not all.

Blob Monster2:Wasn't that enough?

Blob Monster1:There's a couple of chapters about TerrorVille after that, but I dunno cause that's when I ate the book.

Blob Monster2:What did it taste like?

Blob Monster1:Dead squirrel.

Blob Monster2:Oh well, let's go see Shoo's next now else I'll barf from having listened to-

Blob Monster1:Shoo's got one out now?

Blob Monster2:Yeah, it's called ' Why I quit my goosebumps blog'

Blob Monster1:Oh yeah, that's her latest tragi-comic, I forgot.

Blob Monster2:Well then what are we waiting for?

Blob Monster1:You got it dude!

Anonymous said...

So JH, I take it you're a fan of the Goosebumps Triple Header books?

Anonymous said...

What.

troy steele said...

For the record, I Googled "Lizzy Shoo" before I realized who he meant. Does Carles read my blog?

John Holmes said...

That's right, Anonymous. I laughed a lot, reading Troy's reveiw of the second Triple Header. It was awesome. Wonder when he'll do the first one? Wonder when he'll run out of Lizzy Shoo movies?

Anonymous said...

Troy, are you ever going to do another entry on here?

troy steele said...

Sure

John Holmes said...

I started watching the haunting hour's latest season today. Can't believe Stine had anything to do with 'Flight'. That episode was quite unlike his normal style. To begin with, I thought it was actually good. 'Sick' was more like him, though.

Carolina Robin said...

*sigh*

Groggy Dundee said...

The latest Haunting Hour episode seems to be a verbatim remake of Phantom of the Auditorium.

CarolinaRobin said...

The movie "The Haunting Hour: Don't Think About It" had so much obvious product placement for Papa John's Pizza.

Groggy Dundee said...

Yeah and two upcoming episodes involve a mummy and an evil doll. The concept of originality is clearly lost on Mr. Stine.

I mean the show is competently made and a few episodes are genuinely creepy. It's way better than the old Goosebumps series for sure. But if we're only two seasons in and we're already recycling Goosebumps plots it's going to be in trouble.

Anonymous said...

Maybe Stine's just treating it as a substitute for a new Goosebumps TV show, the same thing under another name. I've never seen The Haunting Hour, but I wouldn't be surprised if that was completely true anyway. Anyway, mummies and evil puppets are pretty broad tropes; it's plot recycling that's more indicative of rehash country, I think.

Blogger Beware Lover said...

Stage fright is different in that has songs, and IMPLIED DEATH


the mummy one...just has a mummy. all it has in common. it seems like incption to me

and the next doll one is SEQUEL to the pilot

John Holmes said...

I saw the 'Dreamcatcher' episode, i thought it was ok, haven't yet seen the mummy or the school play episodes though.

ankara said...

So Troy... Got anything for us to check out while Shuelogy is on hiatus?
I was loving that VCR blog.

Groggy Dundee said...

The school play ep of The Haunting Hour was actually pretty good. It had a few clever twists and didn't play out as silly or predictable as I'd expected.

Robin said...

I recently read "College Weekend", one of Stine's Fear Street books. Yet another one in which the female characters trust strangers almost immediately, and constantly make excuses for the strangers' disturbing, dangerous behaviors.

Anonymous said...

The haunting Hour is better then Goosebumps, at least, but not by a huge amount...
The first doll episode isn't really anything like the slappy ones, as technically the doll isn't trying to control the protagonist or make them a slave *whatever*, but is instead a doll version of the girl who owned her, and the doll tried to take over the girls life, as the doll wasn't happy and content enough being a mere childs play thing, and instead wanted a real life and a real family. As for the second ep, haven't seen it.
Hey, at least Stine did something different this time, even if the ep did involve an evil kids toy.
He may be recycling a few things, but at least he's got some sense to try a few new things out this time around...

John Holmes said...

RL Stine's latest hall of horrors book:-

The Birthday Party Of No Return.

Lee Hargrove wishes he could be lucky like his friend Cory Duckworth. Cory has to be the luckiest kid on the planet. Even Laura Groden, the girl Lee has a crush on, prefers to hang out with Cory. All Lee wants in life is to get a scholarship to Summer Sports Camp. But there's only one scholarship from his school and he's competing against Cory and Laura. Then Lee receives a good luck charm in the mail. It's a vulture's claw and Lee's life seems to change immediately. Until bad things start to happen. The vulture's claw is bringing really bad luck...

Anonymous said...

The dread day is set for October... PLANET OF THE LAWN GNOMES.
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0545417988/

troy steele said...

The Mayans were right

Spongey444 said...

well planet of the lawns turns out to be one those in name only sequels. whew, dodged a bullet (that turned out to be a dog or something) there

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

I don't understand the picture. Can someone please explain the reference?

Anonymous said...

Benny here. Yay, I assume that most of you like The Haunting Hour. So do I. Who knew it would be renewed for a Third season. Which consists of 26 episode bringing the total to 66 episodes. 22 for the first 18 for the second. Also, if it gets renewed for a Fourth season, it will have more episodes than goosebumps. Bringing it to have the most episodes for any children/teen sitcom out their. Other show like this are obviously Goosebumps. Another one being The Nightmare Room. Which is also by R.L. Stine. The Nightmare Room is probably the least known one. It only has 13 episodes that are hardly 20 mins. each. It aired from August 2001 to March 2002. Don't get me wrong though as it has very many guest stars on it such as Amanda Bynes, Drake Bell, Shia Labeouf, and Kaley Cuoco. Amazing enough it is premering on the channel Chiller tomorow at 7:00 (central time) Andrew R. if your out their, why did you copy me :(

alex hren said...

That’s right, this website is one of the top 12,000 most viewed in FUCKING PAKISTAN.
Why? Because they are the “English speaking writers” this fucked up company hires. I have also found evidence that suggests they have other writers in India and the Philippines. I know of a couple of companies that offer real English writers and I thought was one of them. Turns out they’re just a bunch of liars.

The scam is real. They are thieves who could care less about you. Maybe you’ve had a couple decent papers from them. But sleep well knowing that they will take any measure to screw you over.

That’s enough. Rant’s over. Fuck you,

Sincerely,
A VERY PISSED OFF FORMER CUSTOMER

Reviewed by Sean Evans on March 25,2013 – Rating: 1.0
Miserable experience.They ripped me off for $600 for a dissertation and refuse to give me my money back.”
2 THOUGHTS ON “MY REVIEW”
Taylor on June 4, 2013 at 10:52 PM said:
You are right. I have been debating with them for at least a month now, trying to get my refunds, it’s because the writer can’t even write shit or follow the prompt. Claimed to be “professional” yeah right. They also claimed that they refunded my money already by just clearing out my balance. However, the email I received from money bookers still saying I was charged on that date. They lied & keep on saying “your refunds should be in 4-6.” i waited & after 2 weeks, still nothing. I keep on checking back even though they closed my inquiry many times. I mean, I only uploaded $55 for the balance, but I didn’t use it. The money isn’t that a big deal, it’s just the writers & their service is poorly done. I cancelled the writer because 1. Passed deadline 2. The paper was off topic, completely vague, lacks development & much more. 3. way different from U.S writing style 4. Busy schedule & I just want to try how this service work. Personally, i definitely to not recommend this service.

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admin on June 20, 2013 at 9:42 PM said:
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